Black News and Black Views with a Whole Lotta Attitude
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Black News and Black Views with a Whole Lotta Attitude

100 Things Not To Do #WhileBlack

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#LivingWhileBlack is tough. It seems that just by living our black-ass lives and minding our black-ass business, we are subject to all types of nonsensical terror, ranging from unfounded 911 calls to death. It doesn’t matter if you are a billionaire, Bob Marley’s granddaughter, an NBA player, the editor-in-chief of Vogue, a pageant queen, or T.I.—if you are black, you in danger, girl.

Here’s a list of ordinary activities, that if done while black (and often, when brown), can get us a 911 call, arrested, fined, jailed, cussed out, threatened, or worse—killed.

  1. Studying at your own campus’ law library
  2. Cheering on your son at a soccer game
  3. Sitting in your assigned seat on an airplane
  4. Building a community garden
  5. Waiting outside of a gas station while other members of your group get refreshments inside
  6. Babysitting white children
  7. Riding in the car with your white grandmother
  8. Move your own belongings into your own home
  9. Fouling a white man who is playing basketball with you
  10. Swimming at the pool in your own apartment complex
  11. And... swimming at your own neighborhood pool
  12. And… wearing socks at your own neighborhood pool
  13. And… wearing a hijab (and cotton) at the pool
  14. Selling water without a permit (at 8 years old)
  15. Using a coupon at CVS
  16. And… using a digital coupon at Dollar General
  17. Waiting for your Uber in the rain
  18. Having a business meeting at Starbucks
  19. Pushing your own baby around the park in his stroller
  20. Leaving a bodega while wearing a bookbag (at 9 years old)
  21. Just existing in your own home
  22. Donating to the homeless
  23. Being happy, while a white woman is sad
  24. Cutting your neighbor’s lawn (at 12 years old)
  25. Riding your bike
  26. Delivering newspapers
  27. Napping in your own dorm common room
  28. Being a billionaire and checking into your hotel while wearing sunglasses
  29. Getting on an elevator
  30. Accidentally wetting your neighbor’s house while playing on your Slip-N-Slide (at 12 years old)
  31. Not removing your bandanna
  32. Being upset about your father’s arrest (at 10 years old)
  33. Trying to cash a check for $140 (at 78 years old)
  34. Being the victim of physical assault by your racist neighbors
  35. Trying to file a baggage claim and asking for the manager
  36. Buying snacks
  37. Roaming around the park (at ages 9-12)
  38. Conducting city-mandated inspections at your life-saving job as a firefighter
  39. Owning your own business and attempting to open it to get the day started
  40. Renting an Airbnb
  41. Entering your own gated neighborhood
  42. Eating at Subway as a family, on the way back from grandmother’s birthday
  43. Smoking cigarettes in your own parking lot
  44. Entering your own vehicle
  45. “Stealing” someone’s parking spot in a public lot
  46. Having a funeral
  47. Shopping at Hobby Lobby
  48. Listening to a yoga CD in your own car
  49. Trying to retrieve your own children from the movie theater
  50. Having a cookout
  51. Entering your own apartment building
  52. Questioning a $1.50 up-charge on your Waffle House receipt
  53. Having a white girlfriend with a cop-daddy
  54. Taking too long in the bathroom
  55. Performing a house inspection at your job as a real estate investor
  56. Asking about a $0.50 charge for plastic utensils at waffle house
  57. Asking why you are getting a ticket
  58. Listening to ’90s R&B to celebrate your cardiology fellowship
  59. Golfing too slowly
  60. Laughing on the Napa Valley wine train
  61. Trying to see your dying son at the hospital
  62. Skateboarding
  63. Purchasing items at Walgreens
  64. Requesting that your Uber take you to your actual drop-off location
  65. Doing community service for your sorority
  66. Asking for sliced cheese at CVS
  67. Asking for a refund
  68. Being an 86-year-old with dementia
  69. Looking for a bathroom
  70. Eating at Applebee’s
  71. Wearing too many clothes on an airplane
  72. In this special case, police told Latina Herring to stop calling the police. She said her boyfriend had a gun and was going to harm her and her son. They told her to stop calling, and three hours later she and her 8-year-old were dead, (allegedly) shot to death by said boyfriend
  73. Maneuvering around an erratic driver
  74. Shopping for prom
  75. Eating lunch on your own college campus
  76. Being bald and appearing agitated
  77. Working out at L.A. Fitness
  78. Paying for your Mentos
  79. Arriving late for a college tour
  80. Raising money for your football team at the zoo
  81. Grocery shopping
  82. Dining at IHOP
  83. Campaigning because you are run for office
  84. Canvassing for a congressional candidate
  85. Trying to go home
  86. Having Instagram photos that are too sexy
  87. Changing lanes without signaling
  88. Selling CDs
  89. Driving without a front license plate
  90. Sleeping (at 7 years old)
  91. Being a whale
  92. Walking your dog
  93. Being afraid
  94. Running
  95. Walking home with Skittles and an Arizona Iced Tea
  96. Go to Bible study at church
  97. Dining at Bahama Breeze
  98. Asking Victoria’s Secret to remove the sensor from your already-purchased bra
  99. Moving into your apartment
  100. Literally existing, anytime, anywhere

If you need some joy or relief after reading all of these, look no further: this Black poll worker called the police on a couple of suspicious white people.