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In what might be the most egregious display of Trump’s American punkishness, which includes calling the cops on people doing the most to live their best lives, cops in Virginia were actually called by a grown, white man after another player reportedly knocked him to the floor with an “aggressive screen.” The man who called police has not been identified, but I will make up names for him throughout the story.

According to the New York Post, the man who has now been named #FlagrantFreddy by social media, was playing in a pickup game at an LA Fitness in Sterling, Va., when the evil black man wearing two arm sleeves reportedly laid a hard screen on Bjorn, who left the court and called the po-po.

“Today for the first time in my life … I experienced someone call the police because they got fouled hard in basketball,” the witness tweeted. “Everyone at the gym and dude in the black with hands folded falls from a hard pick. He gets up tells everyone he’s going to call the police and walks out leaving everyone in the gym confused.”

The witness, told local station WTTG that he initially thought the Nordis, the white man, was joking but that was the witness’s first mistake.

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“I thought he was being extra,” the witness, identified only as Aaron, told the station.

Aaron should know that in today’s America, white people call the police for anything. See, #SwimmingSheriffSusie, #PermitPatty and #CouponCarl.

Hans reportedly left the court after the Black Panther-esque screen and walked to the front desk where he called the police.

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“When the cops came, he was like, ‘Why are you wasting my time?” Aaron told WTTG.

Unfortunately, video footage of the incident is not available as the gym’s basketball courts don’t have video surveillance. No one was recording the game at the time of the incident because it was a fucking pickup game of basketball. Other players watched as Abraham left the court and then continued playing.

Here’s actual video of the man returning to the court after he called the police. I don’t know where this man is from, but after you call the police for an “aggressive screen,” you generally have to leave the court or eat 1,300 hot wings without stopping or fight everyone in the gym to regain your manhood.

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