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Sasha Obama Is Reportedly Taking Her Talents to the University of Michigan
Forever President Obama’s youngest daughter, Sasha, one-half of the greatest, most distinguished pair of children to ever play hide-and-seek in the White House, is reportedly ready to head off to college in Michigan. According to reports, it looks like Sasha—who was born Natasha and is only called this by people who she doesn’t really fuck…
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Looks Like Uncle Joe’s Gaffes May Be Catching Up With Him; New Poll Finds Him Slipping Into 3-Way Tie With Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders
Former Vice President Joe Biden is learning quickly that he’s not President Trump and he can’t just run out here saying anything and still get elected. Recently, America’s dumb-ass Uncle Joe came out of his face to ask a crowd to imagine if America’s first black president, would’ve been assassinated. “Imagine what would have happened…
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Former NFL Fullback Le'Ron McClain Posts Heart-Wrenching Plea for Help on Twitter: 'My Head Is Crazy…Help Me Please!'
Former Pro Bowl fullback Le’Ron McClain couldn’t hold it in anymore, so he let the world know that he’s in pain and he needs help. On Saturday, McClain, 34, who logged minutes with the Baltimore Ravens, San Diego Chargers and Kansas City Chiefs during his seven-year NFL career, took to Twitter to tell his fans…
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If a Photo Could Talk, Then Melania Was Willing to Risk It All
Who are we kidding: Melania Trump is a citizen now, so she can stop acting like she loves her soggy sweat sock of a husband just to stay in the country. Sure, she does that thing where she poses with her saggy-skinned husband during photo ops. Her moves have become so mechanical that there is…
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Did Forever President Obama Punk Trump Out of Visiting Denmark?
While all the news has been about Donald Trump canceling a planned trip to Denmark because the Danish prime minister found claims that the president was looking into buying Greenland bogus AF, it turns out that the real story might be that Trump fears being upstaged by forever President Barack Obama. Turns out that weeks…
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Lying-Ass Sean Spicer to Compete on Dancing With the Stars
The fall for lying white men from the Trump administration is never really a fall. In fact, the “fall” is really just a series of shitty interviews in which the former White House employee laughs about the lies he told or basically sells himself as a Trump oracle, offering insight into the president’s darkest thoughts.…
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Proud Boy-in-Chief Threatens to Make Antifa a Terrorist Organization After Weekend Protests in Portland, Oregon
The far-right Proud Boys, the wandering group of mostly white men who you can spot wearing their “PB” branded polos, vow to continue their inbred form of American terrorism every month in Portland, Ore., after what they claimed was a successful rally this weekend, USA Today reports. The mayonnaise-smothered clan—which is totally tied to white…
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Remember That Trump Speech at the Pennsylvania Plant? Workers Had to Attend, Take Paid Time Off or Lose a Day of Pay
Turns out that those cheering plant workers behind President Trump at the Pennsylvania petrochemical plant didn’t have many choices when it came to attending the event. In fact, they only had three choices: either attend the event to get paid, use paid time off, or don’t attend and not get paid for the day. Oh,…
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The Fat President Fat-Shamed a Protester: ‘Go Home, Start Exercising’
The president’s diet consists of a half-trough filled with extra soggy KFC original recipe, a small jar of mayonnaise, two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish, a large chocolate milkshake (which is his actual McDonald’s order) and a chalice full of baby goat vomit. His McDonald’s order alone is almost 2,500 calories so once you factor in…
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Is Trump Trying Deport Melania? Trevor Noah Thinks So
Maybe we’ve been viewing this thing all wrong. Maybe this whole time, while most of us who didn’t vote for Donald Trump—you know, the group of us that still believe that Jamie Foxx is more talented than Donald Glover (this is not debatable); the lot of us that believe that sugar only belongs on cereal…
