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World Leaders Caught on Hot Mic Clowning Trump, and Princess Anne Is a Real One
World leaders and a fussy baby who keeps telling everyone he won the popular vote are in London for the NATO summit. Unfortunately for America, our representative is a failed businessman-turned-reality TV host who can’t stop whining. Basically, he’s a national embarrassment on a global stage, like a kid that keeps yelling “pee-pee” and “boo-boo”…
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House Democrats’ Impeachment Report Confirms Trump Is a Finesser Who Cares More About KFC Than America
In news that should be shocking to no one with opposable thumbs, a report by House Intelligence Committee Democrats confirms that President Trump was more concerned about his own personal gain than the well-being of the country when he tried to finesse a quid pro quo arrangement with the Ukrainian president. According to several sources,…
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Trump Offers ‘Isis Fighters’ to French President Because He Just Can’t Stop Being a Global Embarrassment
American albatross and the president of people who believe in UFOs sat across from the president of France—a real president—who continuously embarrassed Trump in a tense meeting that the U.S. president made tense by being an asshole. During the sideline NATO meeting Tuesday, Trump did the condescending asshole-y thing he does where he offered the…
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Kamala Harris Drops Out of Presidential Race Amid Rumors of a Directionless Campaign That Was Hemorrhaging Cash
Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.), the spitfire with the HBCU bonafides, has dropped out of the 2020 presidential race amid rumors that her campaign lacked direction, had no cash and “no real plan to win,” according to one campaign staffer who resigned and burned the bridge on her way out the door. According to the Washington…
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Trump Won’t Participate in This Week’s House Judiciary Impeachment Hearing Because He Did That Shit
Look, it’s time that we stop hemming and hawing around what we know to be the truth: Trump tied Ukrainian aid to dirt on possible Democratic 2020 rival Joe Biden and his son, Hunter. That happened. Full stop. What’s happened since then has been a game of let’s see if the GOP can make a…
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The Race for Trump’s Love: GOP Sen. John Kennedy Is Closing in on Sen. Lindsey Graham
Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) is an old white man, which means he can pretty much say anything and not be held accountable. He can say things that aren’t true and then simply come back late and claim “I misspoke” or just yell out “fake news,” and despite there being camera footage, he can still insist…
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President Face-Skin Doesn’t Match His Neck-Skin Calls Impeachment Hearings a ‘Big Time Hoax’
Stop me if you’ve heard this before. Seriously, stop me. Why aren’t you stopping me? The president got in front of cameras with his face all orange-y and his neck all white before leaving to go to London to argue some NATO shit that he doesn’t understand and told the cameras that the impeachment hearing…
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Trump Administration Continues Descent Into Hell, Seeks to Deport Immigrant Children With Life-Threatening Illnesses
The stale swamp water that is the Trump administration has issued a policy change that would deport hundreds of immigrant children with life-threatening illnesses, because the Trump administration is dog shit. From CBS News: A vibrating vest, nebulizer, and special medication help keep 16-year-old Jonathan Sanchez alive. He’s battling cystic fibrosis, a life-threatening disorder damaging…
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Fredo Jr. Headlined a Rally in Kentucky and It Was a Total Disaster
Donald Trump Jr. headlined a rally in Kentucky and he could’ve given the exact same speech in his bathroom and it would’ve been better attended. The rally on Thursday afternoon for Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin was so bad that people wondered if it was co-sponsored by Ja Rule. According to Newsweek, the rally was so…
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Trump’s Personal Assistant Resigns Because She Couldn’t Stop Flossin’ and Spilling Tea
A white woman with arguably the whitest name ever is no longer working in the Whitest House after reports that she shared some inner secrets about the president’s family with reporters. According to Politico, Madeleine Westerhout, of the New England Westerhouts (I have no idea if there is Westerhout lineage in New England, but it…
