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Trump Calls Impeachment a ‘Hoax’. Remains Impeached
At this point, Trump can call the impeachment proceedings anything he wants, but it isn’t going to stop the inevitable. After meeting turncoat New Jersey Rep. Jeff Van Drew, who voted against Trump’s impeachment as a Democrat and then switched to the Republican Party, Trump called the House’s vote to impeach his ass a “hoax”…
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Paul Manafort’s Hair Color Has Become the New Ray J Hat. Oh, and He Had Some Chest Pain or Something
Sometime last week, President Trump’s former campaign chair was treated for a “cardiac event,” which could be anything from acid reflux to something more serious. And while Manafort’s health is a concern, his changing hair color is all I care about. Did you know that Manafort was using “Just for White Men”? Apparently Manafort had…
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House Judiciary Committee Report: Trump ‘Betrayed the Nation’
In news that will only be shocking to 53 percent of Rebeccas that voted for their lord and savior, the House Judiciary Committee said that Russia’s most entrenched bedbug did, in fact, betray America by being an absolute albatross and spineless sack of pig vomit. On Monday, the House Judiciary Committee released a scathing report…
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2 Articles of Impeachment Approved Against Trump as the Mad King Loses His Mind on Twitter
In a move we all saw coming but it still took forever, the House Judiciary Committee approved two articles of impeachment against President Quid Pro Hoe. After a marathon arguing session Thursday night that looked a lot like arguments in my house, the Judiciary Committee voted along party lines to impeach the president, making him…
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‘Omar’s Coming, Yo!’: House Panel Takes Steps Toward Impeachment Vote
President Trump’s biggest flaw could be described by my favorite character on the best television show in American history, The Wire’s Omar Little, who once stated: “A man gotta have a code.” Trump doesn’t have a code. Hell, he doesn’t have a soul, a decent head of hair or a good tanning lotion. He’s cheated…
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How the Many Faces of Maxine Waters’ Shade Stole the House Dems Impeachment Announcement
We don’t deserve Auntie Maxine. The California Democrat is serving her 15th term in the House and she’s not done. At 81, she’s still the most vocal and has proven herself to be the biggest thorn in President Trump’s side because, make no mistake about it, Maxine Waters was the first person to speak out…
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Trump Bashes FBI Director After Conspiracy Theory Turned Out to Be Bullshit
Because President Trump gets the majority of his news from the White Supremacy Post and InfoWars, he believed that the “deep state” was actively working to undermine his 2016 campaign, which allegedly included spying on Trump advisers. Trump believed that top FBI officials were working to bring him down because, prior to becoming president of…
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Fake Christmas Trees Are the Bhad Bhabie of Christmas Trees
I was at my grandmother’s house when I first saw the TurboGrafx-16 of Christmas trees. My mother had explained that my grandparents were older and they didn’t have the time nor the energy to fuss over a real tree. I was probably around eight and I was excited to see a fake tree since the…
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Speaker Nancy Pelosi Says Trump ‘Leaves Us No Choice But to Act’ on Impeachment
And so it begins. On Thursday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced that she’s asked that articles of impeachment be drafted against President I Did That Shit. Sure impeachment without removal from office is about as damaging as a public indecency charge from 1994; it’s not going to really do anything but it’s embarrassing if it…
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Kamala Harris Shuts Door on Presidency and Dunks on the President on Her Way Out
On Tuesday, Sen. Kamala Harris announced that she was ending her presidential campaign, but because Trump knows nothing about an AKA’s ability to clap back—or how to do anything with grace—he sarcastically tweeted, “Too bad. We will miss you Kamala!” Apparently, no one told the president that Kamala had already obtained three clapback infinity stones…
