Sasha Obama Is Reportedly Taking Her Talents to the University of Michigan

Illustration for article titled Sasha Obama Is Reportedly Taking Her Talents to the University of Michigan
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Forever President Obama’s youngest daughter, Sasha, one-half of the greatest, most distinguished pair of children to ever play hide-and-seek in the White House, is reportedly ready to head off to college in Michigan.


According to reports, it looks like Sasha—who was born Natasha and is only called this by people who she doesn’t really fuck with—will be headed to the University of Michigan, and the college’s skin became clearer and its credit score went up 100 points after the rumor got out.

According to the Detroit News, the 18-year-old, who would be the Democratic frontrunner if she was old enough to run for president and actually wanted to be president, was on campus attending freshman orientation.

“I was walking by pushing a vacuum and she walked out right in front of me,” a third-year student, Zach Lassen, told the paper.

“I said, ‘Excuse me.’ It was a crowded hallway with her and some Secret Service dudes,” the film student continued.

Lassen added that some at the school were frustrated about the presence of secret service but Lassen was pushing a vacuum so no one cares what he thinks noted that he thought it was “pretty cool” to have a school that didn’t exist before Sasha’s enrollment.

The university wouldn’t comment on whether Princess Obama was attending their little school.


“We cannot confirm the enrollment of any student,” Rick Fitzgerald, a spokesman for the university, said. “Classes do not start until next week, and we are weeks away from official enrollment information.”

While no would officially go on record to say that the forever president’s daughter had made it official, a number of students were pumped at the idea.


“We hope she finds her fit here just like we all have,” said Jessica Brinser, a sophomore. “We all love it here. We hope she does, too.”

Brinser added that “it’s cool that even though her family went to Ivy League schools, she decided that UM was the caliber high enough to match that of an Ivy League school.”


And her parents didn’t have to bribe anyone to sway her admission into the university.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



I’m pretty sure every U of M student, especially if they grew up in Michigan, made that decision already, whether it represent reality or not. I’ve never encountered a more self-reinforcing mentality in my life. And I’ve mixed it up with actual cult members.

But really, isn’t it a little creepy that every move Sasha makes gets clocked by multiple news outlets? I will never understand our bizarre affinity for family succession. Clearly the Obama kids are bright, competent people, but that’s not always the case. Plus, she did not choose to be born into a presidential family, why should she be paying for her dad’s bullshit? I don’t get it. Let the kid live her life and do dumb college shit.

That being said, we *should* be following children of the rich and powerful if they’ve done bad shit and gotten away with it. That makes sense, as the rich breed way more sociopaths, hence the term “affluenza” They codified a word to excuse rich vermin’s lack of morals and ethics.