Close your eyes and think back to when afterparties were a thing and we could all go out dressed to impress, looking our best and being the flyest of all the guests.
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Well, that’s where we would be right now since The Blackest Awards were just released and we’d be partying it up with the winners and nominees. But since we are still stuck inside, at this time we can only dream about what we would wear and what everyone else would be wearing, too. I imagine everyone would be (as always) trying to out-dress other honorees and attendees, which would be completely okay with me as I’m always in awe of the ‘fits on display.
With that in mind and based on fits they’ve worn in the past, here’s what I would hope to see each person wearing at the afterparty to end all afterparties.
King of Quarantine – Honoree: D-Nice
Remember that horrible time we were all stuck in our houses and itching to go out and party? Oh wait, we’re still there. But right as we were all going a bit stir-crazy, D-Nice swooped in and saved the day with his Instagram Live sets. This year, he wins the award of “Best Accessorized” because of his excellent headwear (I want that hat), perfectly nerdy yet very fashionable glasses and of course, a matte black mask.
Queen of Quarantine – Honoree: Ziwe Fumudoh
Right, now that we’ve established the “King of Quarantine,” it’s time we honor the queen. Queen Ziwe would continue to stunt on all of us with an all-black ensemble (timeless) and something dramatic like this diamond necklace and sheer, feathery robe, securing her the “Here to Steal Your Mans” award.
John Singleton Award for Black Excellence From the Director’s Chair – Winner: Regina King
No words. I mean, look at this masterpiece. Not only would she be shining the brightest out of everyone in the room, but she would be taking home the “Queen of Couture” award as well.
Best Verzuz Battle – Winner: Patti LaBelle and Gladys Knight
Our Aunties Patti LaBelle and Gladys Knight have stayed on the “most fashionable” radar. They also seem to be the most supportive aunties out there, which is why they’d win the “Do it for The Root” award and arrive in all green. Think of the pictures… immaculate.
Rappa or Sanger Ternt Acta Award for Best Turn as an Actor by a Person We Mostly Know for Rappin’ or Sangin’ – Winner: Mary J. Blige for Power Book II: Ghost
Hello, Ms. Mary! Regardless of where she is going, she does not come to play. She’d be wearing this fit to The Skippy’s afterparty because, yes, she has worn it before and though she is a trendsetter, she’d have jumped back on the monochrome train from the inauguration—but make it sparkly—securing herself the “All That Glitters is Gold,” award.
“But Did You Watch THIS SHOW YET?” Award for Best New Black TV Show on Any Platform – Winner: Lovecraft Country
And the award for “Most Attractive Cast of Characters” goes to… Everyone would be dressed to match their off-screen personalities while keeping the poise, integrity of bad-assery of the characters that we know and have fallen in love with. Jonathan Majors would be going for a “high fashion yet warm” outfit since it is the middle of winter, while Jurnee would likely be giving us very romantic vibes in a floor-length gown. We’d get classic black suits from Courtney B. Vance and Michael Kenneth Williams and god-damn, Aunjanue Ellis and Wunmi Mosaku would just be doing the damn thing.
SLIDE #7
A Treasure Trove of Blackness Award for Best Black Movie You’ll Only Find on Amazon Prime – Winner: One Night in Miami…
If you don’t think that the men in One Night In Miami… wouldn’t show up in ‘60s era Miami fashion then you are sadly mistaken. They’d show up in colorful suits and loosened ties around their necks (if any at all). The only difference would be their designer suits (brocade? velvet?) and they’d be taking home the award for “Dressed to (Colorfully) Impress.”
Lift Ev’ry Voice Award for Best Political Coverage by a Black Person During This Gawdawful Presidential Election Season – Winner: Joy-Ann Reid
By day Joy-Ann Reid is a top-tier news-anchor, by night she would be attending the Skippy’s afterparty with the same composure and grace as she would on a day-to-day basis, but with ten times more jewels. With that in mind, she would be awarded with “Most Eye-Catching Jewelry and Bright-Ass Outfit”
You Finna Get Hit by This Glass Award for Best Reality TV Show Featuring Your Cousins You Only Claim Because They’re on Television – Winner: Real Housewives of Atlanta
Right. The award for “Will Absolutely Get in a Fight And Ruin Your Outfit” award goes to…
The If It’s Really Real Son Award for the Documentary That Riveted and Compelled Our Blackness – Winner: The Last Dance
By the grace of God, if Michael Jordan really did attend the afterparty, he would be doing so dressed in only black, wearing sneakers and his shirt would be unbuttoned. He’d most likely be wearing jeans but they would be designer and probably a very understated chain that cost more than a year’s worth of my rent. For that reason, he deserves the “I’m Only Here Because I Have to Be” award.
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