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Tornado Touches Down in Atlanta Area; 100 Million People Could Be at Risk as Severe Storms Headed Down South
A tornado–kind of like one the one that took Dorothy from her Kansas farm to Oz–touched down in the Atlanta area and severe weather is still threatening some 100 million people from “the southern Plains through the Mid-Atlantic.” According to CNN, “A tornado warning was issued at about 10:30 a.m. and lasted until 11:15 a.m.…
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Florida Couple Planned Whole-Ass Wedding at Mansion They Didn’t Own and Had No Permission to Use
At this point I’m such a Florida news historian that you can tell me news that happened anywhere around the world, and I can tell you which event happened in Florida, the armpit of America. It’s actually quite easy. Just listen out for the most bizarre, meth-infused news and chances are it happened in the…
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Florida Governor Wants Tighter Restrictions on Mail-In Ballots Despite His Ballot Being Tossed in 2016
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is the Cliff Clavin of Michael Scotts. He’s your favorite idiot’s favorite idiot. He is literally one of the dumbest men in the world, which is Republican for “He may be president someday.” DeSantis, more like DeGoFuckYourself, is one of a few Republican governors who wants to put tighter restrictions on…
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Black Woman Snatches Former Fox News Host's Soul After She Calls Him Out for Pretending to Care About Black People
Republican SpankBang, aka Fox News, is known for its plethora of white men spouting lies to an audience of dunces. Apparently, a former Republican PornHub host named Eric Bolling (which totally sounds like a porn name) walked off a BBC News show Wednesday after another guest—and current member of the Dora Milaje, also known as…
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Can a Sexless Robot Run for President? Some Think Mike Pence Is Making a Push for 2024
Remember back a million years ago when America was under the rule of the most racist president and his sexless robot former Vice President Mike Pence? Well, it looks like someone’s done some tinkering with his mainframe because the once homeless, couch-surfing VP might be looking to make a run at the White House in…
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Can Someone Get The Door? The Stimmys Are Here!
In what can only be called the most glorious day since Simba flipped Scar off that fiery mountain only to leave him to the wild hyenas, the House on Wednesday passed the $1.9 trillion COVID-19 relief package, which will include money to reopen schools, ramp up vaccine distribution and, most importantly, Target trips. By a…
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Since Ted Cruz Couldn’t Stay In Cancun, Someone Sent a Mariachi Band to His House
Texans without heat in the freezing temperatures were still thinking about their senator and his missed vacation when they came up with the brilliant idea to send a little bit of Cancun to his home just to show him how much they care about him. On Sunday, a mariachi band played outside the home of…
