If a single boat shoe, a lemon rind and Rand Paul were on a sinking boat and you could only save one thing, tell me why it’s the boat shoe.
Rand Paul is the Jim Jordan of Lindsey Grahams.
Rand Paul has a white man’s jheri curl.
On Sunday, because news stations have time slots that they have to fill with white men babbling white-men-shit, Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul went on Meghan Markle’s television and claimed that Georgia voter laws can’t be racist because Democrats are responsible for Jim Crow.
If you are confused, remember that Rand Paul’s rap name is Jhym Crow and Paul is a goddamn idiot.
During an interview with Republican BangBus, aka Fox News, Paul claimed that he didn’t understand why companies were so upset with the racist Georgian voting laws.
“I’m still having trouble fathoming the hysteria that came from Coca-Cola and Delta and Major League Baseball over the Georgia bill,” Paul explained, Raw Story reports. “We passed virtually the same bill in Kentucky. It was signed by a Democrat governor and it was lauded as actually expanding access because we expanded early voting in the same way they did in Georgia.”
Of course, Paul failed to address how the bill actually increased voting lines in urban areas or how the law makes it much harder to cast an absentee ballot. But it wasn’t just Paul’s inability to buy the correct products for his hair that had many viewers in shock, as Paul took his clown car and drove it right off the rails.
“To hear all these Democrats shouting Jim Crow, Jim Crow — do they not realize the history of the Democrat [sic] Party was Jim Crow,” he continued, “that not any god-fearing Republican voted for Jim Crow. That Jim Crow throughout the South was done by Democrat [sic] legislators, that the people who were beating up John Lewis and pummeling him on the bridge in Selma were all Democrats?
“I, for one, am sick and tired of Democrats,” Paul said. “They need to apologize for their history. They need to apologize for foisting Jim Crow on the country. And they need to read the bill in Georgia and realize it has nothing to do with keeping people from voting.”
We aren’t going to spend any time on this. Just know that during Jim Crow, Democrats were Republicans and Republicans were Democrats. Confused? I know, I know. But...fuck. I hate that Rand Paul is going to make me explain this. We used to live in an alternate universe where Republicans were the party of social justice and rights for Blacks. Democrats were the party of oppression and fuckery. And then like the movie Freaky Friday, the parties switched and Republicans love to do this thing where they try to take credit for anything done during this time that makes them look good, while trashing Democrats for their brand of fuckshit.
And before we go any further, let’s get this straight: Republicans beat John Lewis. Racist white men beat John Lewis. Insurrectionists beat John Lewis.
But because mics work and Paul loves a mic, he didn’t stop talking.
“Delta and Coca-Cola and Major League Baseball need to realize that about half of the country is Republicans and we’re not very happy with them right now,” he griped. “So if they don’t want Republicans at the baseball games, if they don’t want us to tune in to their baseball games on television, just keep behaving this way,” Raw Story reports.
Paul added: “People like me who love baseball don’t like being called a racist by Major League Baseball, don’t like Delta and Coca-Cola calling us that. And we’re going to object to it and going to push back. And if they continue in this direction, fine, maybe Republicans don’t have to drink Coca-Cola anymore.”
Remember when all of the racist white men got all upset because Nike supported former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s non-violent protest and they were going to burn their Nikes? Then they remembered that they only had old Nikes brought during a trip to Costco and no one, not even Nike gave a shit?
Yeah, how’d that work out?