Politics
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Our Government Is Shut Down Because All Trump Wanted for Christmas Was His Border Wall
While the rest of us are scouring Amazon and invading outlet malls to snatch up last minute Christmas gifts, our Commander-in-Tweet really wanted his U.S.-Mexico border wall so damn bad that he killed a bipartisan spending deal that would’ve avoided a government shutdown. As such, we now enter Day 2 of a partial shutdown in…
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Stephen Miller Left His Lacefront Back at the Crib, Does Interview Without His Spray-On Baby Hair
White House senior policy adviser Stephen Miller has started his natural no-hair journey. He’s ditched his canned quick-weave and told his barber to “pull the sunroof back” as he made a Thursday night appearance on CNN and host Wolf Blitzer didn’t say “I see that the back of your head has reached a peace treaty…
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Trump Tells Republicans to Go ‘Nuclear’ for Border Wall, GOP Tells Crazy Old Man to Go Sit Down
Senate Republicans have kindly told President “Boarder” Wall to go fuck himself over his claims that they should change Senate rules to bully funding for his dumb as Lego Wall along the Mexican border. “I’ve long said that eliminating the legislative filibuster would be a mistake,” said outgoing Senate Finance Committee Chairman Orrin Hatch (R-Utah)…
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James Mattis Wrote a Resignation Letter That Is an Incredibly Subtle and Shady Read on Donald Trump
On Thursday afternoon, your “president” got on Twitter to announce that Secretary of Defense James Mattis would be “retiring” at the end of February. “General Jim Mattis will be retiring, with distinction, at the end of February, after having served my Administration as Secretary of Defense for the past two years. During Jim’s tenure, tremendous…
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Our President Just Tweeted a Photo of Himself Wearing a Hillbilly Onesie and We’re Probably All Going to Die
The Donald J. Trump parody Twitter account is hilarious. Today, out of nowhere, it posted this uproarious tweet before the actual president’s signing of a farm bill. The Root staff writer Michael Harriot: That isn’t a parody account, Stephen. Me: Wait, what are you saying? MH: I’m saying that the president tweeted that from his…
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Did Fox and Friends Force Trump to Shut Down the Government If He Doesn’t Get His Border Wall?
While the Senate was busy passing a bill to keep the government open, Fox and Friends were busy calling out the president for caving to Congress for agreeing to sign a bill that didn’t include his “boarder” wall. “This is going to be a problem for Republicans,” guest host Jebidiah Bila said. “I think a…
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Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker Cleared To Oversee Russia Investigation: Report
We are entering really dangerous territory as Justice Department ethics officials have consulted with Acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker — you know the man that Trump handed the job as America’s top cop; the man who didn’t have to be confirmed or questioned by a congressional panel; the man who has gone on national TV…
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Betsy DeVos Thinks Teachers Should Carry Guns Even Though She Has No Idea What That Means
Because the entire Trump administration is really just one big unending Steven Seagal movie, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has given a slow Birdman hand rub to teachers being armed despite opposition from people who are actually knowledgeable about two things that DeVos seemingly knows nothing about: educating students, and guns. Let’s be clear, Trump threw…
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First Step Is One of the Biggest Criminal Justice Reforms in Decades. But How Great Will Its Effect Be?
On Tuesday night, a Republican-dominated Senate passed First Step, paving the way for the criminal justice reform bill to clear the House and be signed into law by Donald Trump. The bipartisan bill, which was overwhelmingly passed in an 87-12 vote, is widely considered to the most substantial legislation affecting the federal prison system in…
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Michigan Mayor Claims Recording of Him Using F-Word is Fake… Again
After an audio recording surfaced of a Michigan city’s mayor using a derogatory term for homosexuals, the official has denied that the voice on the recording is his, failing to explain why tapes keep popping up of him using racist and homophobic slurs. Jim Fouts, mayor of Warren, Mi., and survivor of two zombie apocalypses,…