Stephen Miller Left His Lacefront Back at the Crib, Does Interview Without His Spray-On Baby Hair

Illustration for article titled Stephen Miller Left His Lacefront Back at the Crib, Does Interview Without His Spray-On Baby Hair
Screenshot: CNN

White House senior policy adviser Stephen Miller has started his natural no-hair journey. He’s ditched his canned quick-weave and told his barber to “pull the sunroof back” as he made a Thursday night appearance on CNN and host Wolf Blitzer didn’t say “I see that the back of your head has reached a peace treaty with the front of your head and evacuated that sprayed-on widow’s peak.”

Seriously, Miller has been trotted out once again to talk about...who the fuck knows because Miller’s hair has become Ray J’s hat.


After allowing his scalp to be used as a map of Texas by obviously Republican chia seeds, Miller decided to go au naturale, and I’m wondering how anyone is supposed to take Miller seriously ever again.

Miller walked on the set of Face the Nation looking like this:

How can journalists just ignore this deception. Russian hackers literally colluded on Miller’s scalp and no one is talking about it! It’s the goddamn grassy knoll just hanging out on Miller’s head! Miller literally put raccoon pubic hair on his scalp and not one word from PETA!

There is a clear conspiracy going on here and no one wants to talk about it because the news is consumed with the government shutting down. But one day there was hair, then the next day there...wasn’t!


Did the Cabinet member in charge of Stephen Miller’s hair abruptly resign? Is his lack of aerosol quick-weave a byproduct of the government shutdown? We need to know who approved funding for the border wall around Stephen Miller’s hairline that has obviously proved ineffective.

Anyway, congratulations on Stephen Miller’s natural hair journey.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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Somebody stole his magnet.