Illustration for article titled Trump’s Selling Overpriced Straws to Idiots Who Drink Bud Light With a Beer Cozy
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

Nothing says “I stand with America” like doing coke off a Russian prostitute’s naked ass while using a Trump-branded straw, and thank God the president’s branding team saw fit to add his name and a ridiculous price tag to Trump straws!

Fuck those liberal paper straws that don’t want to impeach the president. The Trump team is offering a pack of 10 Trump-branded straws for $15 which, HuffPost notes, is “150 times more expensive” than “1,000 plastic straws [that] retail for about $10.”


Yes, the Trump straws are recyclable and, yes, they are perfect for the 53 percent of white women who voted for Trump to quench their racist thirst and cool their vocals after chanting “send her back” during Trump rallies, and yes, they are better for the environment, but when has Trump ever given a shit about the environment?

Currently, the president believes that global warming is a myth; he pulled out of the Paris climate agreement; he’s shot down just about all of former President Obama’s signature environmental policies, including the clean power plan. But Trump loves two things that play out with these high-priced, dumb-ass straws: money and branding. Trump loves nothing more than to slap his name on some overly regular shit and then charge an exorbitant amount for it.

Because these overly priced straws are dumb AF, Twitter has jokes:


Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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