-
Trump Couldn’t be Briefed on America Because He Was Too Busy Asking About Badgers: ‘Are They Mean to People?’
The President of Highlights children’s magazine couldn’t even be briefed by his then-White House chief of staff Reince Priebus because every time he saw Reince (whose name I always read as “Penis”), he couldn’t stop himself from asking him about badgers. See, Penis Priebus (which would officially make his initials P.P. yep, I’m 7) is…
-
Trump Was Asked What He Learned Since His Impeachment Acquittal. His Answer Went Viral
Why some people still believe that the president of the United States of White Nationalism is still a salvageable piece of roadkill is beyond me. But some reporter found it in himself to ask the president of people who hate seasoning if he’d learned anything from his impeachment acquittal, and the first used colostomy bag…
-
Haters Gonna Say It’s Photoshopped: Trump’s Face Is Out Here Looking Like Stained Tupperware
President Trump, like most IG “models,” refuses to admit that he doesn’t wake up this naturally orange. We all know that his daily makeup routine includes, at the very least, painting his face with decayed coyote blood. Yet and still, the president keeps claiming that his images have been photoshopped by haters. Late Friday, an…
-
Watch: Nancy Pelosi Dry Snitches on Trump’s Alleged Drug Use
It’s at these times when I find it best to quote Grecian philosopher Joseph Guillermo Jones II, colloquially known as Jim Jones, from his epic meter, which I’m paraphrasing, but it goes something like: G’s up nigga (G’s up), ho’s down (ho’s down) If Trump can’t swim he gon’ drown (he gon’ drown) House Speaker…
-
Trump’s Impeachment Trial, Day Who Cares Anymore: The End Is Almost Here
The vote is today and we all have known for weeks, if not months, that the vote is going to go to Team Evil. The Senate will vote on whether to remove President Donald Trump for attempting to bully Ukraine into declaring that they would open an investigation into Trump’s political rival, Joe Biden and…
-
Former Neurosurgeon in the Buttermilk: Can You Spot Ben Carson in This Group of White Trump Supporters?
Looks like a random group of white people in red hats were in Iowa just long enough to fuck up the Democrats’ caucus results and were back on what appears to be a plane (although bus segregation still seems to apply here) heading to wherever it is that one can proudly wear those red MAGA…
-
DNC Debate Rules Forced Diversity Out of the Democratic Presidential Race—and Then They Changed the Rules for a Really Rich White Man
When the race for president began with Sens. Kamala Harris and Cory Booker and former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Julián Castro, it was hailed as the most diverse Democratic presidential field in history. By the end of January, damn near every candidate of color had withdrawn from the race. And all of them…
-
Some Guy I Didn’t Know Was Running for President Is No Longer Running for President
Former Maryland Rep. John Delaney is calling it quits. If I’m being honest, I don’t know who the hell that is. I would also like to add that I live in Maryland and cover politics and I don’t think I’ve ever heard of John Delaney, a Democrat, who was running for president (who knew?). And…
-
Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross Learns of Coronavirus Death Toll in China and His First Thought Is It’ll Bring Jobs Back to America!!
Whenever Trump’s Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross thinks about anything, it’s always through a prism of whiteness and opportunity. Learning that a deadly disease is on the verge of causing a pandemic, the first thing Ross thought was how many white people are in China, and then, “Do you have any idea how many companies will…
-
Trump Is Looking to Make Housing Discrimination Easier and It’s Not Just Because He’s Racist
Continuing his legacy of desecrating the highest office in the land and undoing all of former President Obama’s good work, the Trump administration is looking to change rules enacted to fight housing discrimination. Which makes sense if you consider that, in 1973, Trump and his father were sued by the Department of Justice for violating…
