news
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The Patriotic President From Patriotism-ville Doesn’t Know the Words to ‘God Bless America’
If this were a movie, you would have walked out of the theater by now. On Tuesday, after President Donald Trump disinvited the champion Philadelphia Eagles to the White House and threw an all-wypipo party instead, he was caught mumbling the lyrics to “God Bless America.” Seriously, after all of his patriotic bullshit, not to…
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Exactly Zero Women Landed on Forbes’ List of 100 Highest-Paid Athletes This Year
For the first time since compiling its catalog of top-paid athletes, Forbes counts nada-one woman on this year’s list. That’s right: Serena Williams takes some time off to have a baby, and boom, it’s an all-dude bonanza, which tells you a little something about the pay disparity between male and female athletes on the whole.…
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White House Worker Arrested After Secret Service Discovers He’s a Fugitive Wanted for Attempted Murder
Police arrested a private contractor working at the White House on Tuesday afternoon after the Secret Service discovered that he had an outstanding arrest warrant in Prince George’s County, Md. According to the Washington Post, Martese Edwards, 29, was taken into custody at the checkpoint at the 1600 block of Pennsylvania Avenue NW; and while…
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Depressed Debbie Calls Police on Black Neighbors Because They Were Happy and She Was Sad
One day, hopefully soon, my dream of colleges and universities across America instituting doctorate-level programs on the study of white people will become a reality. When that day comes, certain elements will be required in the course curriculum to achieve a Ph.D. in wypipology, including: the autobiography of Rachel Dolezal a laboratory with unseasoned-chicken taste…
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Aide Who Joked That Sen. John McCain Is ‘Dying Anyway’ No Longer Works at the White House
Kelly Sadler, the White House aide who made national news when she “joked” that no one in the Trump administration should care what Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) thinks because “he’s dying anyway,” has left the White House. The West Wing aide made the comment to colleagues during a closed-door meeting last month; she was referring…
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XXXTentacion’s Ex-Girlfriend Details Harrowing Story of Abuse and Harassment: Report
XXXTentacion’s record of abuse is no secret; for as long as his singles have been popping on SoundCloud and Spotify, fans have been aware of the charges leveled against him, including domestic battery by strangulation, false imprisonment and aggravated battery of a pregnant woman. Now, in a new profile from the Miami New Times, XXXTentacion’s…
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South Carolina Day Care Owner Accused of Striking 4-Year-Old With a Paddle Nicknamed ‘Bob’
A Pickens, S.C., day care director is facing serious charges after she allegedly beat a 4-year-old with a paddle she apparently called “Bob.” According to Fox Carolina, Margaret Sue Tennis, owner of the Carousel of Learning, was arrested by the local police department and is currently facing assault and battery charges. On Tuesday a judge…
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4 Arizona Officers on Paid Leave After Video Shows Them Brutally Pummeling Man Who Was on His Cellphone
The Mesa, Ariz., Police Department is under scrutiny after releasing video on Tuesday that showed officers brutally beating a man who appeared to be minding his own business while on his cellphone. Of course, despite the fact that there is video evidence showing unnecessary force, a fact that Mesa Police Chief Ramon Batista acknowledged based…
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NASA’s Human Computer, Katherine Johnson, Getting Bronze Honor
Taraji P. Henson portrayed NASA mathematician Katherine Johnson in Hidden Figures and brought her story to life. And on the eve of the famed mathematician’s 100th birthday, Johnson’s alma mater, West Virginia State University, will honor her with a bronze statue and a scholarship in her name. According to the Register-Herald, the $100,000 scholarship will…
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God Did Not Bless America With Donald Trump
It’s only Tuesday, and Donald Trump has already proved once again that he’s a dumbass. For a president who prides himself on all things patriotic and pussy grabbing, on Tuesday, Trump couldn’t manage to remember the 66 words to “God Bless America.” With his erupted-anus pouted lips, Trump fumbled his way through “God Bless America”…