Black Mental Health Expert Clears Up Why Cassie Stayed With Diddy Through the Alleged Abuse

As more details emerge from Cassie Ventura’s testimony in the federal sex trafficking trial against Sean “Diddy” Combs, many are finding it hard to fathom just how and why she endured his alleged abuse for so long. But while social media “doctors” chime in with their own ideas, the experts actually have something to say about it all.  

As we’ve been reporting, Ventura and Diddy first got involved nearly two decades ago after she signed to Bad Boy Records in 2006. In the years that followed, their dynamic turned from producer/artist to that of boyfriend/girlfriend—but took a turn for the worst when alleged “freak-offs” were introduced in the early years of their relationship.

According to Ventura’s 2023 lawsuit and recent court testimony, “freak-offs” were events where she was allegedly expected, coerced and forced to perform sexual acts with other men at Combs’ pleasure, as noted by The Root staffer Kalyn Womack. But over time, those freak-offs became more and more frequent and began to cause issues between Ventura and Diddy. Those issues allegedly escalated into physical violence, consistent beatings and assault, and even rape on several occasions, according Ventura’s testimony.

Yet and still, she and the Bad Boy producer didn’t officially break things off until 2018. Seeing that as the case and after hearing additional specifics about their case, folks on social media—both Black men and women—are questioning why Ventura stayed with Combs so long if things were really so bad.

Well, according Dr. La Keita D. Carter, PsyD, a Baltimore-based licensed psychologist and trauma specialist, she explained that the abusers manipulative ways and words; trauma bonds; and paralyzing fear are all key factors that play a large part in why survivors choose to stay when they shouldn’t.

“Abusers erode their victim’s self esteem and self worth. They create situations where the victim is solely reliant on them and then feed them the idea that others have left them or don’t care about them,” she explained to The Root. “Over time, the victim starts to believe these ideas—ideas like they can’t leave or they don’t have a choice or the abuser’s behavior is evidence of true love.”

Dr. Carter also went on to explain how trauma bonds—a.ka. the cycle of abuse followed by intense love and reconciliation in a toxic relationship—often makes the abused person “hooked” into an awful merry-go-round. As a result, it makes it difficult to disrupt the pattern because the “reconciliation process leaves the victim with hope that things will change.”

Naturally after suffering so much violence, fear is also a major part of this conversation as Ventura herself explained several times in her testimony that she often complied with Diddy’s desires so that she or her loved ones wouldn’t have to face alleged retaliation at his hands. When it comes to abuse survivors in general, that fear of something as harmful as the pain they’re already enduring or worse is strong enough to keep them stagnant and can discourage them from trying to get out of the situation.

“Up to 75% of domestic violence-related homicides happen after the victim leaves or attempts to leave, according to the CDC,” Dr. Carter explained. “Survivors of abuse are most at risk of serious injury or death in the first few weeks to months after leaving. This is why safety planning is so critical. Telling someone to ‘just leave’ could be deadly advice.”

And let’s be clear: Ventura did try to escape as we all saw from the viral elevator lobby footage from 2016. But as Dr. Carter put it, trying to get out safely and with your life in tact can prove to be a much taller task than it appears on the surface. So it would behoove a lot of people to have a bit more grace and understanding when it comes to matters of this nature.