President Trump is what happens when old racists learn how to use Twitter. First, they figure out that the world can read what they are typing, and then they believe that they are important because they’ve successfully tweeted out something to the world. Over time, they become more relaxed and start to believe the power of their tweets, but sadly, no one has told them that tweets don’t mean shit. Nor do retweets and hearts.
On Wednesday, the president of old racists tweet-threatened to withhold federal funding to Michigan for the crime of making sure all the state’s residents would be able to vote in a global pandemic.
Trump was apparently incensed—which is hard to tell because he paints his skin with the remnants of soaked basketball leather—after learning that Michigan’s Democratic Secretary of State, Jocelyn Benson, announced that all “registered voters would receive applications for absentee ballots in the mail this year,” the Hill reports.
For some reason, Trump’s convinced that allowing all registered voters the chance to vote is illegal. In Trumpland, only Trump voters should be allowed to vote. Trump took to Twitter to claim that the move was done “illegally” and “threatened to withhold funding if the state did not reverse course, suggesting the move would encourage voter fraud. Trump later threatened to suspend federal funding to Nevada, which is holding a mail-in primary election, claiming it would create a ‘great Voter Fraud scenario’ and allow people to ‘cheat in elections,’” the Hill reports.
Mark this day on your calendar, as this might be the first time in the history of my writing that I see where Trump is coming from. Let me explain: Trump is a liar, and more importantly, he’s a cheater; and when you are a cheater you assume that everyone else is cheating, too. What Trump knows is that when all things are equal, most of America hates the fuck out of him. So, of course, he assumes that allowing all registered voters an easier way to vote would be cheating because the way he sees it, giving all people access to voting is going against him.
It’s really simple when you think about it; in fact, Trump uses “cheating” to call out anything that he believes goes against him. Trump’s brain functioning isn’t more advanced than an 8-year-old, and basically, if you beat an 8-year-old in Connect Four, there is a good chance that you are going to be accused of cheating. Why? Well, it’s simple: the 8-year-old didn’t win.
And because Trump is just like any other old racist who has learned a bit of technology, he started @-ing everyone to really add some weight to his tweet.
“Trump copied Acting Office of Management and Budget Director Russ Vought, White House chief of staff Mark Meadows and the Treasury Department on his tweet about Michigan and also copied Vought and the Treasury Department on the post about Nevada,” the Hill reports.
Benson came in strong, telling the president to say her name! She also corrected his whiny baby tweet by informing him that she “sent applications, not ballots” and pointing out that Republican secretaries of state have done the same.
Trump has been trying to convince his base that mail-in voting is opening the floodgates of voter fraud when voting experts have said it isn’t true. While there are higher levels of voter fraud in mail-in voting than in-person voting, overall cases of voter fraud, in general, are extremely rare.
“Republicans should fight very hard when it comes to statewide mail-in voting. Democrats are clamoring for it,” Trump tweeted last month, the Hill reports. “Tremendous potential for voter fraud, and for whatever reason, doesn’t work out well for Republicans.”
I’m not sure if someone would like to tell the president that America is still in the middle of fighting a war against the Thanos of infectious fuckery, and as such, people shouldn’t have to choose between voting and their lives. Oh, that’s right, he doesn’t give a fuck about that. In fact, his supporters are willing to lose their right to purchase all of the ingredients to make gallons of creamed chipped beef just to shop at Costco maskless:
Benson said in a statement on Tuesday that sending mail-in applications to Michigan’s 7.7 million registered voters wouldn’t just ensure their safety; it is a right that all Michigan voters have.
“By mailing applications, we have ensured that no Michigander has to choose between their health and their right to vote,” Benson said. “Voting by mail is easy, convenient, safe, and secure, and every voter in Michigan has the right to do it.”
Trump doesn’t want to hear that, tho. Because that doesn’t sound like another Trump victory, which is all he’s listening for.