Photo: Alex Wong (Getty Images)

So the news was supposed to be that President Donald Trump’s newest counselor, Rudy Giuliani, a notorious cheater, had cheated on his third wife, which really isn’t news. Giuliani has been married three times, and he’s reportedly now seeing a very-also-married Maria Rosa Ryan. The two were reportedly spotted “getting cozy at a resort hotel in the Granite State,” according to the New York Post.

But buried in the story about the 74-year-old mouthpiece for Trump who’s dating a 53-year-old married woman is the shocking bit of news that Giuliani’s first marriage was annulled because he was, in fact, MARRIED TO HIS SECOND COUSIN!!!

(Record scratch.)

First, I’m upset with The Root readers. I see y’all. I love your petty. I live for it. I’m in the comments reading all of the things you have to say. I see your memes. I love your enthusiasm and greatly appreciate y’all. So how in the hell did no one point this out? I feel like the kid who didn’t get invited to the after-graduation party. Y’all knew this and never said nothing to me??? Y’all know the most minute details about all kinds of shit, and y’all didn’t know this?! Don’t look at me like that; this is y’all’s fault. I will not take the blame for this.

Second, I know that I make a lot of redneck jokes about this administration, and, well, they deserve it. Sure, I’ve called the Trump administration the topless-Camaro-cruising-the-high-schools of administrations. I’ve called Trump the president of people who eat deer jerky and women who wear cutoff-jean shorts and cowboy boots. I’ve teased that this administration is supported by one collective full set of teeth. But this here ... this here ... is not something I will joke about. Rednecks are unjustly accused of being an inbreeding lot, and, well ... I think the real joke here is that Giuliani was married to his second cousin for 14 years!!!

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Third, Giuliani was MARRIED TO HIS SECOND COUSIN FOR 14 YEARS!

Bwahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahah ... ughhhhhhhh ... bwhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahhahaha ... (vomit) ... bwhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha. 

OK, here’s the way PolitiFact explains it:

In 1968, Giuliani wed his second cousin, Regina Peruggi, who was the daughter of his father’s first cousin. (Think of your son/daughter marrying your cousin’s daughter/son.)

Giuliani at different points labeled the family connection as “second cousins once removed” and “third cousins,” before he was corrected, according to news reports. In a 1993 memo for his mayoral campaign, a Giuliani strategist noted the “weirdness” factor of the marriage, according to a copy posted on the Smoking Gun Web site. But such a marriage is completely legal. In New York, even first cousins can wed. Robin Bennett, senior genetic counselor at the University of Washington, said little scientific research exists about the risk of developmental difficulties for the offspring of second cousins. But she said, “for second cousins, the risks are likely similar to the risks of couples from the same ethnic population who also may have common ancestors.”

Giuliani and Peruggi did not have any children, and the marriage ended after 14 years.

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So there you have it. I will not be making jokes about the former New York City mayor who married his cousin, but if readers would like to make it up to me for not informing me of this tidbit, I will be reading their jokes in the comments section.