It must be hard looking at your former life and wondering what could’ve been while standing in line to get into the spot you used to run through—only to see the limo pull up and Champagne Biden wave his way into the club.
Such is life for the unemployed former President Donald Trump, who can’t stop sounding like the mad rapper who keeps talking about how his music is better than Drake’s.
During Champagne’s first press conference since taking office, Trump told Republican OnlyFans, aka Fox News that Biden’s presser was like watching a “different world”—an actual different world, not the hit Cosby Show spinoff—compared to questions he was asked, you know, back when he held the crown.
“It was like softballs, like you’re throwing softballs—and it’s just a different world,” the former president said, the New York Post reports.
“Nobody’s seen anything like it. It’s very sad to watch actually, they’re feeding him questions, they’re easy questions,” Trump said.
Trump also did the thing that children do when they are punished but pretend to like the punishment more than their freedom. The former president claimed that he likes issuing short press releases from his hateration desk located in the dancery instead of hating on Twitter, where he’s been banned.
“I almost like it better, I think I do like it better,” Trump said of the releases, NY Post reports.
“I put out statements now…and the statements are picked up by everybody.”
Trump also took a moment to act as if Biden’s entourage was lacking.
“That was an embarrassment,’ Trump said about Chinese diplomat Yang Jiechi lecturing Secretary of State Tony Blinken and White House national security adviser Jake Sullivan on what he said was US hypocrisy,” the NY Post reports.
“That was an absolute embarrassment to our country. China respected us. They never spoke to us the way they spoke to [the Biden] administration,” he said.
Oh, and Trump still wants his wall around the Mexico-U.S. border like a velvet rope outside the club, but that will never happen.
During Champagne’s first press conference, a reporter for FUKDAGOP asked if Biden can hear that noise being made outside the Oval Office, to which he replied: “I do hear a scratching sound sometimes at night but I don’t speak Brokeanese.” He then asked rhetorically: “I thought a hating bitch said something?!”