Trump’s Fox News Interview Sounds a Lot Like a Criminal Trying to Convince His Cellmate He’s Innocent

Illustration for article titled Trump’s Fox News Interview Sounds a Lot Like a Criminal Trying to Convince His Cellmate He’s Innocent
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

On the heels of Trump’s former campaign manager and personal lawyer heading to the pokey, the president of people who stuff chew in their jaws and spit the brown residue into water bottles, made an appearance on his personal YouTube channel Fox News in which he proudly claimed that he’d give himself an A-plus for the work he’s done in office.


Appearing for the 30th time since Inauguration Day, the president of people who use Frisbees as plates made his first appearance on the Trump-friendly network. Speaking with Fox & Friends co-host and owner of one of the top-rated white names, Ainsley Earhardt, the interview recorded on Wednesday, aired Thursday and featured a defiant Trump spouting lie after lie.

According to CNN, Trump claimed that the media doesn’t want to talk about the downward-trending low unemployment rate he inherited from Barack Obama, which is kinda like Madonna wondering why no one gives her credit for her Aretha Franklin tribute.

He also took credit for a bunch of shit that he had nothing to do with, talked proudly of his friend, former campaign manager and future cellmate Paul Manafort, and tried to downplay his relationship with former lawyer Michael Cohen.

Oh, and Trump abides by the Baltimore street code of “no snitching” as he hailed Manafort for keeping his trap shut.

Trump distanced himself so far from his former fixer Michael Cohen, viewers were left wondering if the president would say: “I mean ... I know him, but I don’t know know him”

Trump’s explanation for Cohen’s court confessions of making payments on the president’s behalf is that it isn’t a crime. Trump claimed during the interview that he didn’t know about the hush money payments made to former Playboy Playmates until later, which is a total lie, since Cohen’s mixtape proved that Orange Sherbert Stalin was in on the deal at the time.


Basically, Trump authorized Cohen to make concubine payments to keep these women quiet during his run for office, but the president tried to convince us that, like his base who wears mullets un-ironically, there was no business up front and party in the back.

Trump claimed that Cohen changed his story—or “flipped,” as the mafia-president referred to it—because he wanted to make a deal. He also added that flipping “almost ought to be illegal,” CNN reports.


CNN also notes a very interesting turn of events. Earhardt asked Trump: “Are you considering pardoning Paul Manafort?”

Trump would not answer.

CNN notes that: “After the interview was taped on Wednesday, Earhardt went on Hannity’s show and said Trump told her that he is, in fact, considering pardoning Manafort. Then she backtracked, saying he never answered the question.”


We all know that the president will use his personal pardoning power like a magical wand found in an old Hogwarts desk. He’ll pardon everyone that doesn’t drop a dime on his wrongdoings and Manafort fits the bill.

And because Fox News will never hold the president of people who hunt and kill innocent unsuspecting animals for sport accountable for anything, he basically rambled on about North Korea, fake news and how he’d actually give himself an A-plus for the work he’s done while in office.


In short, the president is trash and Fox News is trash so it makes sense that the two have swiped right on each other’s photos, gotten married and share a trailer that smells like cigarette smoke and broken dreams.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


The Thugnificent Pangaean

He can’t pardon Manafort; if Trump pardons Manafort, then the special counsel, various state AGs, and possible Dem-dominated congressional committees can compel any testimony or evidence they want - related to the pardoned crimes - from Manafort without the 5th amendment protections.

Ps. Your last paragraph hit so hard it would make Mike Tyson soil his pants.