Trump Just Got Off Russia Punishment and You Won't Believe Who He Called When He Got His Phone Back

Illustration for article titled Trump Just Got Off Russia Punishment and You Won't Believe Who He Called When He Got His Phone Back
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Well that didn’t take long, at all.

It’s been less than a month since Special Counsel Robert Mueller released the Russia report, and President Trump is already on the phone with his Russian Bae, Vladmir Putin.


According to CNN, Trump and his Russian Bae spoke Friday morning for “over an hour,” and the phone call should have ended around 45 minutes but they spent the last 15 minutes playing “you hang up first.” White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders—aka Suckabee, aka the Devil’s Mouthpiece, aka America won’t forget how much you lied—told America that the two lovers leaders discussed the Mueller report, the crisis in Venezuela, North Korea and other topics like whether Trump’s tie looks fat against his belly.

Sanders, who would lie to God about praying every night, assured the reporters that the two canoodlers didn’t stay on the Mueller report that long, noting that they discussed it “very, very briefly” and that it was brought up “essentially in the context that it’s over and there was no collusion, which I’m pretty sure both leaders were both very well aware of long before this call took place.”

Oh, and Sanders—who has destroyed her relationship with the White House press with her lies and refusal to hold press conferences so that Americans can get answers to pressing questions like “Why do y’all lie so much”—shockingly wouldn’t take questions from reporters on whether Russian interference, which was found in the Mueller report, was discussed between Trump and his Sealy Posturepedic sharer.

Sanders would only say that “the conversation on that part was very quick, but what I can tell you is that this administration, unlike the previous one, takes election meddling seriously. And we’re going to do everything that we can to prevent it from happening. That’s why we’ve taken a whole-of-government approach.”

When Sanders says that they take election meddling very seriously, she’s talking about meddling to help other candidates because the Trump administration doesn’t play that shit. Trump the Night King of Twitter couldn’t wait to announce that he’d spoken to his boo now that he’s gotten his phone back and can’t go out but can sit on the porch and text.

Trump tweeted: “Had a long and very good conversation” in which the “Russia hoax” was discussed...


And get this, Trump called him. For what?! Probably to assure him that there was no point in cueing up the pee-pee tapes, as his right hand man Attorney General William Barr had done Russia’s work.


From CNN:

Friday’s phone call comes at a time of immense scrutiny over the findings of Mueller’s investigation, a redacted version of which was released publicly late last month. The investigation found that members of the Trump campaign expected they would benefit from Russian efforts influence the election, but didn’t find that they conspired.

According to the report, “[T]he investigation established that the Russian government perceived it would benefit from a Trump presidency and worked to secure that outcome, and that the campaign expected it would benefit electorally from information stolen and released through Russian efforts.” The Mueller report also details Russia’s efforts at interference during the 2016 election, which led to charges against several Russians and Russian entities.


Part of me is proud of Trump for refusing to let the naysayers stop his forbidden love. This is a love that’s going to kill us all, but isn’t that what real love does? It persists despite the threats to our democracy, safety and rumors. Who are we to stop real love? No word on whether or not Trump got his waterproof Russian bed sheets back, but he did get his WWF Nikola Volkoff wrestling figurine back, so all is well.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



Did I miss something? During their conversation Trump seems to contradict John Bolton & Mike pompeo on Venezuela. He almost played down Russia’s involvement in Venezuela which is opposite to what Pompeo has been saying all along.....maybe I should double check this.