Trump Insults Attorney General Jeff Sessions and King Keebler Fights Back

Illustration for article titled Trump Insults Attorney General Jeff Sessions and King Keebler Fights Back
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The love affair between Attorney General Jeff “Kindergarten King Keebler” Sessions and President Vladimir TrumPutin could be titled, “When Being Racist Isn’t Enough.”


Trump believed fool-heartedly that because he and Sessions shared a disdain for all things non-white, that the attorney general would protect the president from obvious issues that he knew or even suspected would arise.

But Knucklehead King Keebler, or KKK for short, recused himself from the Russia investigation because he was part of Trump’s campaign. It could’ve been because Trump’s Khaki Knothole Kisser is a stand-up guy (he isn’t) or it may have been that Koala-looking, Knob-nosed Know-nothing is aware of all Trump’s Russian connections, especially since he lied under oath before Congress about meetings with Russian government officials during the 2016 race.

KKK stepped down from being involved in special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian collusion with the 2016 presidential campaign and Trump’s been pissed ever since. Sessions has become Trump’s whipping boy whom he publicly trots out just to punish on a national stage. Since the recusal, Trump has been teasing KKK’s firing.

But KKK tried and work himself back into Trump’s favor. After recusing himself from the Russia affairs, he supposedly recommended that then-FBI Director James Comey be fired for his handling of Hillary Clinton’s email probe, which many believe cost Clinton the election. It was all bullshit to gain Trump’s favor but it didn’t work.

Because KKK recused himself, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein was tapped to handle all Russia related matters and went on to assign Robert Mueller as special counsel. That didn’t sit well with Trump, who reportedly called KKK into the Oval Office after learning of Mueller’s appointment just to berate him. Trump then started a refrain that would continue, where he publicly insults KKK every chance he gets.


That trend continued Thursday during an interview with Fox & Friends” when he questioned Sessions’ manhood.

“Sessions took the job and then he said, ‘I’m going to recuse myself.’ I said, ‘What kind of a man is this?’” Trump said in the interview, CNBC reports.


Well, mark your calendars as the day that Jeff Sessions, a.k.a. Mr. Burns, a.k.a. Kindergarten King Keebler, attempted to grow a spine when he issued his own statement pushing back against the president, noting that “the Department of Justice will not be ‘improperly influenced by political considerations,’” CNBC reports.

While the statement did not mention the Fox &Friends interview directly, it’s cleary what KKK is referring to.


Only a fool would think that KKK’s head isn’t on a chopping block. In fact, Sen. Lindsey Graham, the Republican from South Carolina, confirmed widely held speculation that Trump could fire Sessions after the November midterms.

“I think there will come a time, sooner rather than later, where it will be time to have a new face and a fresh voice at the Department of Justice,” Graham told reporters on Thursday, CNBC notes.


KKK’s full statement is below, but I already mentioned the spine-straightening section. The rest is his usual kiss ass stuff:

I took control of the Department of Justice the day I was sworn in, which is why we have had unprecedented success at effectuating the President’s agenda—one that protects the safety and security and rights of the American people, reduces violent crime, enforces our immigration laws, promotes economic growth, and advances religious liberty.

While I am Attorney General, the actions of the Department of Justice will not be improperly influenced by political considerations. I demand the highest standards, and where they are not met, I take action. However, no nation has a more talented, more dedicated group of law enforcement investigators and prosecutors than the United States. I am proud to serve with them and proud of the work we have done in successfully advancing the rule of law.


I hope Jeff Sessions is fired soon. Since he took the job as Attorney General, sources tell The Root that they never get Keebler cookies at the cross-burnings in Alabama.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



Linsay Graham wants to get someone in who’ll just dismiss investigations or corrupt them for a GOP Prez.

I’m now locked in a holding pattern of wanting Sessions fired, and not wanting Sessions fired. It’s like having to keep Henry Weinstein as your studio head because the replacement is Albert Desalvo.