Illustration for article titled Trump Claims the U.S. Shouldn’t Be Worried About the Coronavirus, So Why Was He Scared to Visit the CDC?
Photo: Spencer Platt (Getty Images)

President Contaminated HawSpit—also known as the Human Racism Virus—keeps telling America that we’ve got nothing to fear when it comes to the coronavirus. In fact, he basically said that if blacks have their peppermints and ginger ale, they should be good. He also recommended that if white people use whatever they use to keep illness at bay handy (I believe it’s Milk of Magnesia or Febreeze), then we didn’t need to worry about a flu that went to graduate school.


But when it came time for President Trump-Doesn’t-Wash-His-Hands-Good to visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta on Friday, his ass got scared as fuck because there was a suspected case of coronavirus in Atlanta that turned out to be negative. But before learning that the case was, in fact, negative, President Touching-My-Face-Makes-My-Fingers-Look-Like-Cheetos-Dust was fuming at staffers noting, “Bitch, are you crazy? I’m not going to Atlanta to get that shit!”

So his trip was canceled, but White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham, who hates her job and the press, told reporters on Air Force One that the trip was back on. She noted that the trip was canceled “out of an abundance of caution” after the CDC alerted the White House a CDC staff member was suspected to have contracted coronavirus, the USA Today reports.


Before a planned visit to Tennessee to witness first hand the storm damage that left 24 people dead, President McImmune System told reporters that he wanted to keep the CDC visit on his schedule.

“I would prefer that the test came out negative,” he told reporters at the White House. “They’re trying to work it out that I do go.”

But if there is nothing to be worried about, then why is he worried?

Just days ago, President-These-Ain’t-Sniffles-These-Is-Adderall-Drips told America to cool their fears about a possible pandemic. He even doubted the fatality rate given by the World Health Organization and noted that his hunch told him that number was probably too high.


The White House claimed that they canceled the visit because they didn’t want the president to interrupt the CDC’s procedures to get the virus under control. They also couldn’t get the president from under his bed, and yes, they tried coaxing him with warm baby goat blood cookies.


So Trump will visit Nashville and then travel to Atlanta before blowing a shit ton of taxpayers’ money on another weekend at his shitty Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Fla.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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