Photo: Guido Bergmann (Getty Images)

President Donald Trump abruptly canceled his meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin Thursday noting: “Ouuuuu, bitch, they onto us!”

Fine, who knows what the hell goes on in that empty pit of shame that sits atop the saggy-skinned movable KFC buckets that make up the president? But two days before he was supposed to sit down with his boyfriend, Trump canceled, claiming that he was no longer meeting with Putin because of “Russia’s refusal to release Ukrainian Navy ships and sailors seized during a maritime confrontation between the two countries on Sunday.”

The funny part is, Russia has said since Sunday it isn’t releasing the ships, meaning the president planned to meet with Putin knowing the same information that Trump now claims is the reason they aren’t meeting.

CNN pointed out—and I’m inclined to agree with them—that it was noteworthy that the president canceled his meeting with his longtime partner, although their official Facebook status is “It’s complicated,” came after his “longtime former attorney Michael Cohen leveled fresh allegations in court about Trump’s business dealings with Russia.”

“Based on the fact that the ships and sailors have not been returned to Ukraine from Russia, I have decided it would be best for all parties concerned to cancel my previously scheduled meeting (...) in Argentina with President Vladimir Putin. I look forward to a meaningful Summit again as soon as this situation is resolved!” Trump tweeted en route to the G20 summit where the sideline meeting with Trump and Putin was to take place.

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The other funny part is, just an hour before his tweet announcing the meeting was off, he told reporters he believed it is “a very good time to have a meeting” with Putin, CNN reports.

Then he boarded Air Force One where an aide reportedly coughed and said, “Bitch, you tripping,” and the president then decided the meeting was probably a bad idea.

The Devil’s mouthpiece, aka Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka Suckabee, told reporters the president decided not to meet with the Russian leader after consulting with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, Chief of Staff John Kelly, and National Security Adviser John Bolton, who phoned into the plane from Brazil.

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But I’m sure none of this has anything to do with Michael Cohen out here flipping like Simone Biles during her 2016 Olympic floor routine.