ukraine
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Federal Watchdog Finds That Trump Broke the Law by Withholding Ukrainian Aid
Did you know that there is a federal watchdog group that holds the government accountable? I didn’t either. But apparently, the Government Accountability Office has put a ring (and by “ring,” I mean handcuffs) on it and made it official: Trump broke the law when he withheld congressionally-approved aid to Ukraine last year. According to…
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Rudy’s Boy, Lev Parnas, Is Going Full 6ix9ine and the Documents He Gave Up Are Insane
Lev Parnas is ready to tell you why fools fall in love. He knows everything that the lonely do at Christmas and whether T-Pain really brought that girl a drink. Parnas knows whether or not all of the people in the club actually got tipsy and whether or not they committed DUIs later that evening.…
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Impeachment Season Is Drawing to a Close: Donald Trump’s Senate Trial to Begin This Week
Folks, it’s time to steam that impeachment outfit. The Senate impeachment trial of Donald J(ulius d’Orange) Trump will begin this week, according to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. The timeline was spurred by an announcement today from Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) that the House will vote on a resolution moving the impeachment process forward on…
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It’s Starting to Look a Lot Like Iran Shot Down That Ukrainian Plane
On Wednesday, it was announced that a Ukrainian passenger jet near Tehran crashed, killing all 176 aboard. Now it is with “high confidence” that U.S. officials believe that the aircraft was shot down by an Iranian missile. According to an official who spoke anonymously with the Washington Post, U.S. authorities believe that an Iranian anti-aircraft…
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Blow the Whistle: Trump Retweeted the Name of the Alleged Whistleblower Because He’s Too Short’s Favorite Word
When Too Short commanded that everyone “Blow the Whistle,” he didn’t mean for the president of the United States to in fact retweet the name of the alleged whistleblower who reported his dubious Ukraine phone call but such is life. The actual whistleblower dropped dime on Trump’s shady phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky…
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Snitch of the Year Runner-Up Rudy Giuliani Says 'I'm More of a Jew than Soros Is'
Perhaps seeing that his crown for dropping dimes was being snatched by Toshiba Sixty-Nine, Rudy Giuliani saw fit to come out his mouth and say some more wild-ish. In an interview with NY Mag, Giuliani is quoted as saying “Don’t call me anti-Semitic if I oppose him. Soros is hardly a Jew. I’m more of…
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President Quid Pro Quo Totally Quid Pro Quo’d All Over Ukraine and Here’s More Proof
Well, it turns out that the President of the United States is a liar. Who knew? So, the “perfect” phone call (as the president describes it) that President Trump had with the Ukrainian president Vlodmort Vikingface (seriously, who cares what this guy’s name is?) in which Trump was dangling Ukrainian aid in exchange for an…
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Masochist Rudy Giuliani Continues to Punch Himself in the Balls, Claims He Needed US Ambassador to Ukraine ‘Out of the Way’
Rudy Giuliani continues to be the Scrappy-Doo to Trump’s Scooby. In a recent interview, the former mayor of New York City and the president’s personal lawyer admitted that in order to dig up dirt on Democrats, he needed to get the U.S. ambassador to Ukraine removed. Luckily, Giuliani told this to a really small-time magazine…
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House Judiciary Committee Report: Trump ‘Betrayed the Nation’
In news that will only be shocking to 53 percent of Rebeccas that voted for their lord and savior, the House Judiciary Committee said that Russia’s most entrenched bedbug did, in fact, betray America by being an absolute albatross and spineless sack of pig vomit. On Monday, the House Judiciary Committee released a scathing report…
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The Race for Trump’s Love: GOP Sen. John Kennedy Is Closing in on Sen. Lindsey Graham
Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) is an old white man, which means he can pretty much say anything and not be held accountable. He can say things that aren’t true and then simply come back late and claim “I misspoke” or just yell out “fake news,” and despite there being camera footage, he can still insist…