2017 Has Basically Been The Empire Strikes Back (With MAGA And Mayonnaise), But Here's Some Shit To Look Forward To

Apparently unsatisfied with the 500-year-long winning streak White America is on, God decided to allow king-sized pack of Spearmint Chewing Gum with sentience Tom Brady and Darth Belichick (and their bottomless supply of impressive and indistinguishable "first picks in a Stormfront fantasy football league"-ass wide