To recap a recap:
1. Olivia Pope tried to kill her father (gasp!), and then
2. Olivia Pope got kidnapped (oh nooo)!
The big question, of course, is, where is Olivia Pope?
A new Scandal promo reels us in with a clip of Olivia being dragged from her apartment by an unidentified kidnapper and Olivia running for her life.
Over the hiatus, I suggested a few New Year's resolutions for Olivia Pope and friends—e.g., Cyrus Beene should spend more time with his daughter—but we know self-improvement isn't really at the top of their agendas.
So here are my predictions for what might actually happen when Scandal returns.
Andrew Nichols isn't going to make it. Before the hiatus, we found out that Vice President Andrew Nichols and Republican National Committee Chairwoman Elizabeth North were working together with a subsidiary of the West Angolan government to get Fitz Grant to wage a war against that country. When Fitz didn't take the bait after Andrew and Elizabeth staged a bomb attack and blamed it on West Angola, they kidnapped Olivia to force Fitz's hand.
Big mistake. Huge, gaping, cavernous mistake. Andrew is no match for the crazy that is about to team up against him to find Olivia and decimate her kidnapper (or kidnappers).
First of all, despite the fact that Olivia has been (understatement alert) the world's worst daughter, Papa Pope loves Olivia more than anything in life. Chances are he would still do anything for her. And Papa Pope always wins. In fact, Papa Pope knows everything. Before it happens. So I'm betting that he already has a plan.
And while Fitz has never been the toughest guy in the room, there's not much he wouldn't do for Olivia. In fact, it would have been wiser to kill another one of Fitz's kids than to hurt Olivia.
There's really no telling what is going to happen when they unleash Mama Pope on Andrew. Mama Pope has no brakes.
And let's not forget about Jake, Huck, Quinn and Abby …
That's a lot of crazy. At this point, it's just going to be crazy trying to outdo crazy. Oh, Andrew. Run and hide.
Michael (the sex worker) isn't going to make it. Elizabeth North finally leaked the "sexy time" photos of Cyrus and his prostitute-lover, Michael, to the press, and Cyrus had planned to resign and run away to Europe, disgraced and never to be heard from again. Olivia's game-saving idea was to announce that Michael and Cyrus were in love and planning to get married. They drew up marriage contracts and everything. But see, Cyrus loved James more than anyone, yet he tried to have him killed when he got in his way … so Michael doesn't stand a chance.
Abby and Leo aren't going to make it. Because, seriously, who's rooting for Leo Bergen? I really want Abby and David Rosen to get back together, but David was so crushed when he found out that Abby had recently spent the (whole) night with Leo.
There's also a strong possibility that an Abby-David reunion won't be possible anyway if David gets caught up in the matrix of liars, thieves and murderers in Olivia's company and is locked away for being complicit in their crimes.
But do you know who is going to make it? Charlie. That dude never dies. He's been captured and tortured at least two or three times at this point, yet he always lives to see another day. Charlie has nine lives.
Do you know who else might make it? Huck and Javi. Huck's ex threatened to call the cops if Huck came near his son, Javi, again or if Huck continued spouting what she believed to be nonsense about the secret spy agency, B613, that separated Huck from his family. So Huck, with Quinn and Charlie's help, produced a bunch of files that prove that Huck was, in fact, taken from his family seven years ago by B613. With a little family counseling and some supervised visits, Huck might have a real shot at officially being a part of his son's life again.
Then again, who knows? When it comes to Scandal, the safest bets are always murder, mayhem, sex, mayhem and more murder.
Akilah Green is a recovering Washington, D.C., lawyer-lobbyist-politico turned TV and film writer and producer living in Los Angeles. She currently works for Chelsea Handler’s Netflix talk show, Chelsea. She has also worked as a staff writer for Kevin Hart’s production company, HartBeat Productions, and as a consultant for Real Time With Bill Maher on HBO. In addition, she co-wrote and is producing Scratch, an indie horror-comedy feature film, and is a regular contributor to The Root. Follow Green’s adventures in La La Land on her blog, Twitter and Facebook.