Rudy Giuliani Might Be the Dumbest Person in the White House and That's Good for Donald Trump

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President Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, might be the dumbest member of the president’s staff, and that isn’t a bad thing for the commander-in-chief. Because of the president’s antics, inability to spell words with five or more letters, refusal to stop canoodling with Russia and outright penchant for rage-filled Twitter rants, there needs to be someone who is dumb enough to stand-in for the president and take the bullets: Enter, Rudy G.


On Monday, Giuliani, whose bottom teeth look like a bag of piss-stained snow rocks, told white Christian god and America that he’s not sure collusion with Russia is a crime.

Yep, in 2018, the year of our Lord Barack Obama, Rudy G., he with teeth of crushed Cheez-its, is now going low enough to argue that if the president did collude with Russia—which he totally did—then it wasn’t a crime.

Maybe since there is no law on the books that says being a treasonous messy bitch is a felony, Rudy G. thinks he’s correct. But legal experts who have spoken with CNN have concluded that there are several crimes that a president colluding with Russia could be charged with including conspiracy to be a treasonous messy bitch.

Giuliani was asked about Paul Manafort’s trial, which is scheduled to start Tuesday. Giuliani’s doesn’t believe that Manafort could’ve done anything because he was only with Trump’s team for four months.

“Four months, they’re not going to be colluding with Russia, which I don’t even know if that’s a crime, colluding about Russians,” Giuliani, a former federal prosecutor, said during an appearance on CNN’s New Day. “You start analyzing the crime—the hacking is the crime. ... The president didn’t hack.”

Where Giuliani has earned the dumbest member of the White House legal team trophy is that he doesn’t seem to understand that the company line, which would not even be in question during a “normal” presidency, is that there was no collusion with Russia. Why even venture into the hypothetical to point out that even if there had been, it’s not a crime, if you can unequivocally state that there is no collusion. The president of men who chew tobacky and spit into empty water bottles has denied that he colluded with the Russians. It shouldn’t be that hard for Rudy G. to follow suit, yet, in December he told the New York Times, “There is no collusion, and even if there was, it’s not a crime.”


CNN notes that former FBI Director James Comey has already acknowledged that collusion “is not actually a thing that exists under the federal laws of the United States.”

“Instead,” Comey continued, “the question is whether any Americans conspired with a foreign government to commit crimes against the U.S., which is a crime,” CNN reports.


It would be nice if Rudy G., he of teeth that looked like road-worn Chiclets, could acknowledge that Russia is not our friend and therefore even shouldn’t be on the president’s list of people cleared to pick his children up from daycare.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



Ugh...I am horrifyingly mesmerized by his teeth. Why just get the tops done? Did he think no one would notice? Did a horse kick him in the mouth?  He can afford veneers and braces...just why? WHY??