Missouri Governor: Kids Have to Go Back to School and They Will Get COVID-19, But They’ll 'Get Over It'

Illustration for article titled Missouri Governor: Kids Have to Go Back to School and They Will Get COVID-19, But They’ll 'Get Over It'
Photo: Jacob Moscovitch (Getty Images)

If Donald Trump and a pair of discarded seersucker shorts had a baby boy and that little bastion of racism, idiocy and yacht wear grew up to run for office, he would be Missouri Gov. Mike Parson.


During a radio interview Friday, the Republican noted that children have to go back to school.

I think we can all agree with the statement that children need to go back to school when it’s safe, right?

Nope. Parson wants kids back in school right now and adds that they will get COVID-19 but will “get over it.”

“These kids have got to get back to school,” Parson told Marc Cox on KFTK. “They’re at the lowest risk possible. And if they do get COVID-19, which they will—and they will when they go to school—they’re not going to the hospitals. They’re not going to have to sit in doctor’s offices. They’re going to go home and they’re going to get over it.”

“We gotta move on,” he said, Business Insider reports. “We can’t just let this thing stop us in our tracks.”

Just curious as to whom Parson believes these kids are going home to. Who’s teaching and feeding these kids while they’re in school? Who’s driving the buses? I would assume that these kids, whom Parson is fully aware are going to contract the coronavirus, would be going home to parents or grandparents and possibly older siblings. Basically, Parson is fine with kids being the outbreak monkeys who carry the virus on to those who may die from it. Seriously, it’s clear that Parson is taking after the smarter side of his lineage—and that would be the abandoned seersucker shorts.


Hopefully, Parson will listen to someone much more knowledgeable about the subject, someone like Dr. Alex Garza, incident commander of the St. Louis Metropolitan Pandemic Task Force. But no one should tell Parson that Garza is a doctor as that will totally turn him off and he will probably call his advice “fake news.”

“Many of those people will have a much more serious response to the virus and that is what we want to avoid. These children could also come home and spread the virus to others in their household who could also be at a greater risk of a serious outcome,” Garza told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.


Surely, Parson has to be a man of sound mind and a level head. Like, if someone were to charge the St. Louis couple who drew guns as peaceful protesters were minding their business, he would agree with that, wouldn’t he?


“A mob does not have the right to charge your property. They had every right to protect themselves,” Parson said during the same radio show, the Hill reports.

Parson was then asked if he’d pardon the couple if they were charged, “I think that’s exactly what would happen,” he said.


“Right now, that’s what I feel,” he said. “You don’t know until you hear all the facts. But right now, if this is all about going after them for doing a lawful act, then yeah, if that scenario ever happened, I don’t think they’re going to spend any time in jail.”

Yeah, Parson is a chip off the old seersucker shorts.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



If you expect me to feel anything resembling pity for the citizens of Missouri the answer to that would be: Are you fucking serious? They vote according to their interests, protecting whiteness. I mean am I supposed to be shocked that a Republican ass kisser is a soulless prick who doesn’t care about his constituents? I mean it’s not like they don’t have a track record. Gonna be funny as hell when his hospitals get overrun with children and teachers and he says who could’ve seen this coming? Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.