Mike Pence Is Homeless

Pastor Crockett: I would like to welcome everyone to Lovejoy’s Church of Spirits and Blessings, which, as you all know, is a Pentecostal, Baptist, Catholic, atheist, Muslim, trap house for the lord. Amen?

And today it seems our prayers have been answered.

Bitch....Beeyotch….

Mike Pence and his wife Karen are homeless.

You heard that right. Former Vice President Mike Pence and his wife Karen (I’m not calling her a Karen, her real God-given birth name is Karen) are homeless and reportedly couch surfing in Indiana.

According to Business Insider, the Pences have been living off the people for years, and as such, they have always had a residence as part of their rise to power. Pence was given the use of the Indiana governor’s mansion during his stint from 2013 until leaving for the White House. After he became vice president, Pence and his Karen moved into the vice president’s quarters. We should’ve known that something was up when he used the Indiana governor’s mansion as his address to vote in the 2020 election.

Apparently, Pence has never heard of Zillow or Redfin or any of the other real estate sites that could’ve helped him find a property and has reportedly been bumming it around Indiana.

“According to one source, the Pences are staying at the dolled-up cabin nearby that the Indiana governor uses as a retreat. If so, they’d need permission to spend the night from Pence’s former lieutenant governor, who now serves as governor, Eric Holcomb,” Business Insider reports.

A “dolled up cabin” is white people for a treehouse or some other outdoorsy shithole that includes flannel and cutting your logs for the fire. Also, Mike Pence is living in a cabin in the woods, which sounds like the beginning of a really bad horror movie.

“Two Republicans close to the Pences said they heard that the former second couple was staying at Pence’s brother’s place in Columbus. The one thing everyone is certain of is that when the Pences moved out of the vice president’s residence at the US Naval Observatory in Washington, they had nowhere to go. The former second couple doesn’t actually own a house.”

How, Sway? Why are they like this?

“Republicans who spoke with Insider also said they wondered whether Pence and his team are closely guarding their new domicile because of the wave of death threats he faced just three weeks ago,” said the report. “The Trump-incited mob that stormed the Capitol earlier this month shouted that they wanted to hang Pence, and some of the people came within about 100 feet of confronting him and his family as they were hurried to a secure location in the Capitol.”

So why doesn’t Pence just call his buddy and fake real estate mogul, Donald Trump, to find a place to stay? Well, apparently Donnie isn’t taking Pence’s calls after he refused to go along with the “Stop the steal” movement that intended to steal the election. Pence may actually have a place to stay and is just on the run from the Trump supporters turned insurrection mob that wanted to kill him.

I hope that Pence and his Karen never find permanent housing and are forced to work minimum wage jobs and wait months for a stimulus check that never comes.

In AOC’s name we pray, Amen.