Mad Petty: Trump Fires FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe, Screwing Him Out of His Pension Days Before He Could Retire

Then-FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe (second from left) is escorted by U.S. Capitol Police before a meeting with members of the Oversight and Government Reform and Judiciary committees in the Rayburn House Office Building on Dec. 21, 2017, in Washington, D.C.
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

Former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe only needed to make it until Sunday to reach his 50th birthday and a chance for an early retirement and his pension. But President Donald Trump, who has proved to be the pettiest of bitches, commanded his personal top cop, Jeff “King Keebler” Sessions, to fire McCabe.

Sessions waited until just before 10 p.m. Friday to announce that McCabe, who spent over 20 years with the FBI and would have been eligible for his full pension in just one day, would be terminated, because the Trump administration is nothing if not dramatic.


According to the Washington Post, McCabe stepped down from his second-in-command post at the FBI earlier this year but was still employed and still fighting to keep his job as recently as Thursday. The Post notes that McCabe spent some four hours inside the Justice Department pleading his case.

But like Simba’s uncle Scar before him, Trump has proved himself to be an evil bitch. He just couldn’t let McCabe bow out with his money. Nope, he had to kneecap him on his way out the door.

The Post notes that McCabe’s firing comes after a general investigation found that he “authorized the disclosure of sensitive information to the media about a Clinton-related case, then misled investigators about his actions in the matter, people familiar with the matter have said.”

“Considering McCabe’s number of years at the agency and estimations of his high-level pay grade, formulas published by the US Office of Personnel Management for law enforcement officers show that his yearly payout could hit in the area of $60,000 each year, if McCabe were to retire after his birthday on Sunday,” CNN reports.


The Post notes that McCabe can seek legal action to try and get his pension, but good luck with that.

In my best Joanne the Scammer voice, I say, “Trump is a messy bitch who lives for drama”—so much so that he couldn’t wait to hop on Twitter at midnight to gloat over McCabe’s firing.


But this is the president whom 53 percent of white women voted against their self-interests to put in office, and so far he’s doing a stellar job—assuming, of course, that his job is to guide America into the fiery pits of hell.

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About the author

Stephen A. Crockett Jr.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.