Locked Up a Broad: COVID Karen Appeals to Trump After Coronavirus Incarceration In Caymans

Illustration for article titled Locked Up a Broad: COVID Karen Appeals to Trump After Coronavirus Incarceration In Caymans
Screenshot: Cayman News Service

In the latest example of “the man” keeping a good Caucasian woman down, the family of an 18-year-old Georgia woman has asked the Trump administration to intervene in her unusually fair jail sentence for flouting COVID-19 protocols in the Cayman Islands.

Due in part to strict regulations (pdf) requiring all visitors to undergo testing, followed by a two-week quarantine period, the Cayman Islands has suffered only two deaths during the worldwide coronavirus pandemic. The rigid protocols and high testing rates have resulted in one of the lowest infection rates in the world, according to United Nations data.

But when criminal mastermind Skylar Mack decided to visit her 24-year-old professional jet-skiing boyfriend, Vanjae Ramgeet, Breakout Becky decided to disregard the country’s effective coronavirus control rules. Although I will always believe that everyone is a pre-med student who just hasn’t attended medical school yet, Skylar’s extensive medical training (she’s seen every episode of Grey’s Anatomy) informed her that she didn’t need no damn quarantine. In spite of the fact that she came to the Caymans directly from the country with the worst COVID-19 infection in the world, the college student decided to go to the jet-ski race anyway.

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The Associated Press reports:

Mack, who is enrolled as a pre-med student at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia, arrived in the Cayman Islands on Nov. 27 and was supposed to undergo a two-week quarantine as mandated by the government, which electronically tracks anyone who arrives in the British Caribbean territory. However, she broke quarantine on Nov. 29 when her boyfriend picked her up to attend a water sports event, Hughes said.

After their arrest, a judge ruled the couple had to provide 40 hours of community service and pay a $4,400 fine. In addition, Ramgeet was ordered to a two-month curfew that would start at 7 p.m. But the prosecution appealed, arguing the punishment was unduly lenient and would not deter other possible violators. A higher court decided in favor of prosecutors, ruling on Dec. 15 that the couple be imprisoned immediately.

The Cayman Compass newspaper reported that Judge Roger Chapple said during Tuesday’s sentencing that the decision to violate safety measures was born of “selfishness and arrogance,” adding in its report that Mack spent seven hours out in public without a face mask or social distancing.

In an attempt to free Skylar (I have already ordered my T-shirt), attorney Jonathan Hughes has appealed directly to the Trump administration to get the Caymans to “send her back” on the grounds that four months in prison would have a “particularly harsh effect on her,” according to NBC. Of course, everyone knows that president “law and order” has a soft spot for women who don’t adhere to the customs of a particular nation. Especially the “shithole countries.

Just as Trump asserted that “when the looting starts, the shooting starts,” the governor of the Caymans issued a statement effectively saying: “If a Karen won’t listen to me, I’ll send her ass to the penitentiary.”

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When will the unjust oppression of privileged white women end? Skylar managed to pull herself out of the crime-ridden ghetto of the Atlanta suburbs and make something out of herself, only to fall prey to the racist “war on viruses.” It’s not like she was doing something dangerous like sleeping in her bedroom; looking out of the window or walking home with a pocketful of Skittles. 

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Who among us has never traveled to an island paradise during a raging, invisible pandemic and said, “Fuck these healthy people; my boo is about to go motorsurfing!” You know how it is when you’re young, dumb and filled with so much privilege that you threatened the life and safety of an entire country because you want to watch a bae frolic on jet-skis! As Jefferson said, all men are created equal and are endowed with the unalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of skedaddling on sea motorcycles. (That was the preamble to my homeboy Juwan Jefferson’s “Declaration of Deez Nuts.”) According to Skylar’s father, it’s obvious that someone has a “vendetta” against this “powerless” “American,” “teen” and “college student” who was the same age as “robbery suspect” Michael Brown and a year older than “weed, fight and guns” suspect Trayvon Martin when they got what they “deserved.”

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If there’s anyone who understands what it feels like to be maligned for disregarding COVID-19 protocols, it’s the Trump administration. Hopefully, the president will save this poor woman from the coronavirus industrial complex. If poisoning people with stuff that came out of your mouth is such a heinous crime, why isn’t Anne Coulter in jail right now? You know what? I’m gonna go ahead and say it:

Skylar Mack is an American hero.

She’s the Kellyanne Conway of Amanda Knoxes. Wait until Rudy Giuliani hears about this. I’m sure he’ll file lawsuits demanding a recount of the judge’s verdict. Supreme Court handmaid Amy Coney Barrett would have gotten involved if she hadn’t heard that Skylar was reportedly wearing a thong. Maybe the people who bailed out Kyle Rittenhouse will put some money on her books.

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Very few articles about the case have mentioned that Mack’s boyfriend has been incarcerated. But he’s not white so...you know. Even if this is the worst season ever of 90-Day Fiance, I think we can all agree on what’s important here:

Mack Lives Matter

Hold your head, Skylar.

Stay up.

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.

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DISCUSSION

MissKeisha23
MissKeisha23

I have some distant kin folk that are about that “dumb ass” life. Husband and wife had COVID when things first kicked off. Not the worst bout of it, but bad enough. They recovered. Son of husband and wife got married and had a big ole wedding in October. Half the people at the wedding....*shock* contracted it, including husband (who’d already had it). Miraculously, wife has not contracted it a second time, but obviously has been in contact with her husband. So, he had it worse the second go round and is not quite fully recovered and at his age (mid-60s) might never be the same in terms of respiratory health.

So this same house of idiots....are doing what now....TRAVELING FOR CHRISTMAS because they miss their grandkids. I can not for the life of me make this kinda stuff make sense.

Then you got folks out here flat out lying about test results and showing symptoms dying on planes...nah man. Fuck her. Lock her ass up and let that lesson get burned in deep.