Joe Biden and Trump Face Off in To Mask or To Be ‘an Absolute Fool’

Illustration for article titled Joe Biden and Trump Face Off in To Mask or To Be ‘an Absolute Fool’
Photo: OLIVIER DOULIERY (Getty Images)

If Joe Biden could punch President Trump in the face and get away with it, he would. Not because the president deserves it (he totally does), but because Joe Biden just likes punching people in the face. It’s kind of his thing.


Biden is the most threatening man left in the battle for president and I don’t mean threatening in a menacing way, I mean threatening as in he loves to make threats. He’s already talked about taking the president behind a woodshed or some bleachers or some shit. He literally said that if the two men were still in high school, he’d beat the hell out of him. He also asked a worker on a visit if he wanted to step outside with him for some man-dancing and possible fisticuffs, so it’s been clear for some time that Joe Biden needs his Depends because he’s always with the shits.

But when it comes to fucking with this coronavirus, Biden doesn’t play. On Tuesday, the former vice president called Trump “an absolute fool” for sharing a tweet that mocked Biden for wearing a mask Monday at a Memorial Day ceremony, CNN reports.

From CNN:

In an interview with CNN’s Dana Bash in Delaware—Biden’s first in-person interview since being knocked off the campaign trail by the coronavirus pandemic—the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee said Trump is fueling a cultural opposition to wearing masks when “every leading doc in the world is saying we should wear a mask when you’re in a crowd.”

“This macho stuff, for a guy—I shouldn’t get going, but it just, it costs people’s lives. It’s costing people’s lives,” Biden said. Trump’s position amounts to “stoking deaths,” he said.

He added: “Presidents are supposed to lead, not engage in folly and be falsely masculine.”

For weeks, Trump has been on a mission not to wear a mask, and no one really knows why. The supposed germaphobe with a penchant for Russian watersports has played a game of cat-and-rotund-orange-maskless-face with the press, which finally caught him wearing a mask—which really shouldn’t have been a big deal considering we are in the midst of a global pandemic armed only with masks and hand sanitizer.

Trump has successfully weaponized wearing a mask during these times so that his followers now believe that wearing a mask has something to do with the Constitution.


I believe it was James Madison who wrote, “Listen here, Playboy, If America is dying and a mask can save it, then wear the fucking mask!”

According to CNN, Biden’s comments come a day after he and his wife Jill wore black masks as they laid a wreath at the Delaware Memorial Bridge.


Fox News host Brit Hume tweeted a photo of the Bidens wearing masks and he had joked: “This might help explain why Trump doesn’t like to wear a mask in public.” Trump later retweeted Hume, CNN notes.

I guess it’s more manly to wear orange face makeup for no reason than it is to wear a mask for all the reasons. Because Trump is a messy queen who lives for drama, he’s turned the mask into a controversial thing when it didn’t need to be. During a recent trip to the Ford factory tour in Michigan, Trump acknowledged that he’d worn a mask in a private area but he “didn’t want to give the press the pleasure of seeing it.” A camera caught his ass wearing that goofy shit anyway. And yes, the president looked goofy. We all fucking do.


White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnanyofTheState noted that it was “peculiar” that Biden wore a mask outside but didn’t wear one when he was indoors with his wife because she’s so fucking dumb she doesn’t understand how any of this works.

“It is a bit peculiar, though, that in his basement, right next to his wife, he’s not wearing a mask. But he’s wearing one outdoors when he’s socially distant. So I think that there was a discrepancy there,” McEnanyofTheState said during Tuesday’s White House press briefing, CNN reports.


CNN didn’t mention that if McEnanyofTheState was in a Jeopardy contest against a rock found off of a highway, you need to bet on the rock. They didn’t say that, so don’t attribute it to them.

Sadly, Biden was asked to respond to Trump “and his reelection campaign’s frequent suggestions that Biden is senile or has lost a step.”


“Look, I mean, talk about a guy who’s missing a step,” he said of Trump, CNN reports. “He’s missing something, man.”

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


kidelo (i have a tiktok)

Number one: if it isn’t too disrespectful to Corn Pop, RIP, can we start calling Trump Orange Pop and start handing out Biden-branded bike chains? Just a thought.

Number two: Every day Trump fucks with his hair using god knows what, a blow drier and hairspray; puts lifts in his shoes; wears a corset of some sort (I hear); and brushes that orange man-tan all over his face, except his pink-piggy eyes and YET has the AUDACITY to imply that Biden looks silly wearing a mask during a pandemic*?

Here’s a freebie, Joe: next time Trump says you look silly or whatever with a mask on, say, “Ok, fatso. What’s up with that combover? What are you masking with that?” As Trump would say: what have you got to lose?

*shit I used my one defend Biden op already. Welp folks, you’re on your own until November.