It's Official: President Trump and Attorney General Jeff Sessions Have Finally Called It Quits

Illustration for article titled It's Official: President Trump and Attorney General Jeff Sessions Have Finally Called It Quits
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Hopefully the Klan still has King Keebler’s hood because as of Wednesday, barely a full day after the midterm-election dust has settled, Trump has asked for and received Attorney General Jeff Sessions resignation.


This was coming for months; in fact, many pundits were shocked that it didn’t happen sooner. From the time that Sessions announced during a Senate hearing that he would recuse himself from the Russia investigation into collusion with Trump’s White House, Trump had little use for the man who has famously lead a bastion of white slave elves to make cookies in a tree.

Because Trump has Pre-K level of government knowledge, he truly believed that Sessions role as America’s top cop was to protect him from being investigated. When he learned that Sessions would not stop inquires into his accounts or affairs, he began bickering with Sessions like a scorned lover.

According to two sources who spoke with NPR, “Trump raged, sometimes profanely, in phone and face-to-face conversations with Sessions. It didn’t take long for Trump to voice open regret, on social media and in interviews, about having nominated Sessions.”

Sessions lasted almost two years—much longer than anyone guessed—and in that time he just about fucked up the country in every way he could.

The now former attorney general threatened so-called sanctuary cities with the loss of federal funding and issued the now historically fucked up zero tolerance border policy for migrants that separated parents from their children for attempting to cross U.S. borders. Oh, many of those children still haven’t been reconnected with their families and the government isn’t even sure where all the children are.

According to NPR:

He decried a looming wave of violent crime across the country, even though criminologists maintain homicides and assaults remain near historic lows in most places.

He ordered federal prosecutors to seek the most serious charges and stiff prison sentences against drug criminals, a stark reversal of President Barack Obama’s most prominent and bipartisan justice policy.

Sessions presided over a rollback in investigations of local police. He rescinded policies that directed federal prosecutors to go after only the biggest cases involving marijuana in states where the drug is legal. And he recommitted to using private prisons for U.S. inmates and detainees.


Sessions chief of staff Matthew Whitaker will serve as interim attorney general.

“Since the day I was honored to be sworn in as attorney general of the United States, I came to work at the Department of Justice every day determined to do my duty and serve my country,” Sessions said in a seven-paragraph letter viewed by the USA Today. “I have done so to the best of my ability to support the fundamental legal processes that are the foundation of justice.”


Yeah, fuck off Jeff Sessions.

Don’t be shocked if the president’s attorney, Rudy Giuliani, who’s currently claiming that he’s too broke to pay his ex-wife her $63,000 a month spousal support despite making some $9.5 million last year, becomes the next attorney general. Giuliani was boasting just last year that no one knows the Department of Justice better than him.


Which only proves that when deplorable falls, there’s always another waiting to take up his tiki torch.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



There it is. No matter how much water you carry for Trump, the man has zero loyalty for anyone who isn’t blood or married in to his family. He will sell you out every single time.