How Do We Know That ‘Chicken Don’ and Donald Trump Aren’t the Same Person?

Sean Gallup/Getty Images
Sean Gallup/Getty Images

On Wednesday, a 30-foot inflatable chicken with a sweet comb-over flew high above the south side of the White House. Pretty soon, #ChickenTrump was trending on Twitter.

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And while it was glorious, it got me to thinking: How do we know that Chicken Don and President Trump aren’t the same? Both are full of hot air; both don’t have brains; both are foul (see what I did there?). And both have passed the same amount of legislation.

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Seriously, the fat floating chicken (not the president) was the work of Taran Singh Brar, a documentary filmmaker, and took some five months to pull off, ABC News reports.

“We’re here to criticize the president as a weak and ineffective leader,” Singh Brar, who got the whole stunt permitted, told the news station.“He’s too afraid to release his tax returns, too afraid to stand up to Vladimir Putin, and now he’s playing chicken with North Korea.”

Singh Brar raised $1,500 on GoFundMe to pay for Chicken Don’s big unveiling. Singh Brar got permission from the Secret Service to inflate the chicken on the grass between Constitution Avenue and the White House South Lawn, ABC News reports.

So Singh Brar arrived early Wednesday morning and went to work, pumping up his chicken. Crowds gathered to take photos. Fox News even aired Chicken Don on its fake-ass news station, but sadly, Trump was on vacation, or was he?

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“When the president went on vacation, I felt a little bit bummed,” said Singh Brar, referring to Trump’s ongoing extended vacation since becoming the president. “And then I realized it’s actually better, because the [symbolism] works and the Secret Service won’t be as jumpy.”

Read more at ABC News.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

thepriceofeggsinmalta
ThePriceofEggsinMalta

Oh, man, we absolutely know they’re not the same person; it’s easy to tell them apart. Just a few obvious ones:

Chicken Don is far easier to look at without feeling ill.

Chicken Don has put more effort into preparing himself for his role than actual Don has.

Chicken Don has the confidence and emotional stability not to need constant fluffing and inflation from his staff and followers.

Chicken Don has the common fucking sense to know that, if you’re the only true military superpower on the fucking planet and quite literally everyone on earth is well aware that your armaments could destroy the planet several times over, you do not need to make idle fucking threats at the crackpot dictator of a banana republic, because it only serves to elevate the crackpot and make you look like a shitty petulant child, while having the secondary effect of reminding everyone that the American voters utterly failed in their responsibility to prevent the most terrifying arsenal the world has ever seen from falling into the tiny hands of an insecure half-wit with daddy issues.

Chicken Don 2020.