This conversation has been a long time coming. We didn’t have it when we found out what was going on with Bill Cosby. The discussion still didn’t happen when the news broke about R. Kelly. With Diddy’s every embarrassing — and perhaps illegal — move being laid out to the world in court...maybe it’s a good time to talk about what our lack of self-control is getting us.
Of course, it’s not just Diddy: In April, we witnessed the near implosion of Shannon Sharpe’s media career because of an ill-advised relationship with an OnlyFans model. Just last week, Smokey Robinson was accused of sexual assault and now he’s under criminal investigation. These are all men who (allegedly) allowed their sexual desires to get out of hand. But this is not new.
Famous Black men have a history of making bad choices in relationships. There is the 17-year-old that Marvin Gaye met and married. There’s that time Bobby Womack’s wife shot at him because he was having an affair with his stepdaughter. And Chuck Berry…well…you just google what that dude was into. My fingers are too holy to type what he liked.
The common denominator...? These men lacked discipline. They seemingly let their sexual desires run unchecked, and it either outright ruined their lives or their legacy suffered because of it. Let’s be clear: This is not kink shaming. If you have consent and you are not breaking the law, Black men should feel free to do whatever they want in the bedroom. Now, we don’t need to know what it is (stop getting on the internet and telling all your business), but if you and your partner want to spice things up…fine. That’s not a problem.
The issue is that too many Black men cross the line.
If a woman says “no,” that should be the end of it. If at any time while you’re being intimate she says stop, same rules apply. And if you are a 50 something NFL Hall of Famer who is trying to jumpstart a media career, maybe don’t mess with a woman 30 years younger than you…and if you must, at least have her sign an NDA. This gets us to the heart of the matter.
Diddy and Sharpe lacked discipline. They either took things too far or they acted before thinking. Black men, we need to learn from what we are seeing. ALL of us.
We must exercise wisdom in our relationships. Just because we have an impulse does not mean we should act on it. And we certainly should not do anything sexually without getting consent.
There are too many angry Black men walking around acting on their aggression instead of talking to someone who will help them understand why they are upset. And even more brothers who let what’s between their legs overrule their mind.
Black men must do better. Don’t just jump on social media and talk about harpe and Diddy, learn from their mistakes.