The president has done a lot of stupid shit since taking office.
Hiring Sean Spicer to work in any other position besides valet is one. Anyone remember covfefe? What about the time the president shut down the government to show Nancy Pelosi who was the boss only to relent to Pelosi’s demands weeks later. Anyone seen the president’s latest response to the coronavirus crisis? Yeah, me neither.
But this latest move by President ChiChi Von Superspreader might be the funniest one yet. Ever since the election results have come in showing that the president is not going to be president much longer, President Whoopi Von Phlegmstain has been looking for anyone, literally anyone, who will agree with his bogus claims of voter fraud.
Which leads us to “Catturd2.” See, someone with the Twitter handle @cattturd2 has been supporting the president’s push to overturn the election and the president finally couldn’t help himself and had to retweet the supporter some three times on Monday.
The Root has done an investigation and found that based solely on the Twitter handle and the photo that Catturd2 is either the president’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, or South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham.
The president has refused to accept that he lost the election from authoritative figures who cover this for a living but believes Catturd2. This is how America becomes great.
Because Catturd1 retweeted Catturd2, Catturd is trending on Twitter.
And then there is this from Business Insider: “The account also claimed that the president’s attention had fueled sales of its book, The Adventures of Cowfart.”
The president of the United States, ladies and gentlemen. The president of the United States.
Trump Campaign Lawyer Just Suggested Killing Chris Krebs
Because everyone’s 2020 bingo cards should be blank and allow us to just write in our own subjects, including Funkmaster Flex getting a Brazilian butt lift and then recording the whole thing as Wu-Tang played in the background, I will argue that no one had a Trump campaign lawyer calling for the execution of a former DHS staffer.
See, it’s going to be impossible to finish this if we aren’t writing in our own topics. Anyway, Chris Krebs used to be a federal cybersecurity official until he called this election the most secure election in American history. This, of course, pissed off the president, who has been lying since the election ended, claiming massive voter fraud. The president then fired Krebs, who was like “fuck this job, anyway.” Now Trump campaign lawyer Joseph diGenova said Monday that Krebs should be “taken out at dawn and shot.”
“During a Monday afternoon interview with Howie Carr, a host on far-right cable network Newsmax, diGenova called Krebs a “moron” and suggested he should be killed for saying the 2020 election was secure,” Forbes reports.
Carr laughed at the claim and didn’t push back on it because there is nothing to add after someone close to the president threatens to kill someone for telling the truth in communist Russia.
Yep, totally normal and nothing to see here.
There are a few things that are difficult to convince some white people about. The first is that Jesus is Black. The second is that mayonnaise tastes like whip cream’s bitter racist cousin who voted for Trump and keeps wanting to show you his extensive hunting knife collection. The third is that coronavirus is real and will fucking kill you, so stop having these fucking indoor superspreader events you fucking maskholes!
Unless you work for the current administration. In that case, throw all the parties you want. Seriously, you aren’t going to listen to me or science anyway, so have at it.
Melania “Who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff” Trump and her husband are throwing, or allowing, a shit ton of holiday celebrations because just like college kids who rented an Airbnb on daddy’s credit card, they are going to fuck the place up before they leave.
From the Washington Post:
The White House began the annual holiday party season on Monday afternoon, officials said, kicking off a spate of indoor holiday parties that commemorate various religious traditions over the season.
While many public health professionals have asked Americans not to congregate in large group settings and avoid travel over the holidays because of the coronavirus pandemic that has killed more than 266,000 Americans and infected 13 million more, the White House is expected to throw more than a dozen indoor parties, including a large congressional ball on Dec. 10, officials say.
The parties will be paid for by the Republican Party, a person with knowledge of the planning said, and will cost millions of dollars.
The president and the first lady are determined to have a final holiday season in the White House, officials said, and concerns about spiking cases and deaths across the country have not stopped the events. Many of the administration’s supporters have taken a skeptical view of the restrictions over the virus and are choosing to attend, officials said.
The White House is claiming that they are going to have smaller guest lists and blah, blah, blah. Whatever, at this point. As my mother used to tell me as a boy, “Keep hanging with coronavirus and you’re going to get what you’ve got coming.” Clearly, I’m paraphrasing.
X-Ray Doctor Out
Dr. Scott Atlas, America’s most famous X-ray doctor who somehow parlayed his knowledge of x-rays into the top spot on the White House’s coronavirus task force, resigned Monday.
CNN reports that Dr. Atlas was hired as a special government employee, which only allowed him 130 days to serve in the White House and that window was closing, so he offered his resignation letter.
Atlas tweeted out a photo of his resignation letter (because that is normal) on Monday and noted that his “advice was always focused on minimizing all the harms from both the pandemic and the structural policies themselves, especially to the working class and the poor.”
“I sincerely wish the new team all the best as they guide the nation through these trying, polarized times,” he wrote, apparently referring to President-elect Joe Biden’s incoming coronavirus team.
Man, fuck this guy. Dr. Atlas was President Trump’s mouthpiece for nonsensical coronavirus bullshit. He was a spreader of false information who out of his depth and pushed for the reopening of schools claiming that “hysteria” was what was causing this massive outrage to a virus that has killed more than 250,000 people. There’s blood on this man’s hands and to act like this is normal, it’s not. May he never take another x-ray, in Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.