The parallels are uncanny. Both men work for corrupt folks. Both wear really bad suits. Saul Goodman lived in the back of a nail salon and Rudy Giuliani held a presidential press conference outside of a landscaping business that was next to a sex shop. Both say crazy things; the only difference is Saul Goodman is lovable in his inability to get it together, and Rudy is just an asshole. Oh, and Saul Goodman actually wins cases and money; Rudy just continuously makes a fool of himself in front of the entire world.
After weeks of pushing President Trump’s unsubstantiated, baseless claims of widespread voter fraud, Giuliani, President Trump’s personal lawyer, made his first appearance before a judge in federal court in Pennsylvania on Tuesday, and, you guessed it, made a complete ass of himself.
According to the Los Angeles Times, Giuliani told the judge that there was massive voter fraud, the likes of which the world has never seen before! Voter fraud bigger than the Eiffel Tower, wider than the Amazon River! Voter fraud so big that even the Statue of Liberty paled in comparison!
“It’s a widespread, nationwide voter fraud,” Giuliani said, before accusing “local election officials of being part of a ‘little mafia’ and preventing Republican Party observers from watching ballots being counted.” He said only cities “controlled by Democratic machines” had problems, and “you’d have to be a fool to think this is an accident,” the Times reports.
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But as soon as U.S. District Judge Matthew W. Brann questioned Giuliani, he folded like a lawn chair, admitting, “This is not a fraud case.”
Brann didn’t issue a ruling, but he couldn’t stand listening to Giuliani’s baseless accusations.
The crux of Giuliani’s argument, when he’s not lying about nationwide voter fraud is, “whether local election officials in Pennsylvania should have given voters an opportunity to fix problems with their mail ballots after submitting them. Some counties did, some counties did not — a divergent approach that reflects the nation’s tradition of local control of elections but which the Trump campaign argued was unconstitutional.”
This will not change the outcome of the election as Giuliani remains hopelessly bad at his job and Joe Biden is still the president-elect.
And Get this Shit…
Rudy Giuliani reportedly wanted $20,000 a day for this shitty-ass lawyering. Seriously.
From the New York Times:
Rudolph W. Giuliani, who has helped oversee a string of failed court challenges to President Trump’s defeat in the election, asked the president’s campaign to pay him $20,000 a day for his legal work, multiple people briefed on the matter said.
The request stirred opposition from some of Mr. Trump’s aides and advisers, who appear to have ruled out paying that much, and it is unclear how much Mr. Giuliani will ultimately be compensated.
Since Mr. Giuliani took over management of the legal effort, Mr. Trump has suffered a series of defeats in court and lawyers handling some of the remaining cases have dropped out.
A $20,000-a-day rate would have made Mr. Giuliani, the former New York City mayor who has been Mr. Trump’s personal lawyer for several years, among the most highly compensated lawyers anywhere.
“I never asked for $20,000,” Giuliani told the Hill. “The arrangement is, we’ll work it out at the end.”
Giuliani is also a liar.
A Liar Fires a Teller of Truth
Before we begin, a note: Genetta Adams is not just the managing editor for The Root, she is also my editor, and every morning we discuss the day’s plans and how we are going to approach stories. Last week, I fell ill, and Genetta, being the Swiss Army knife that she is, hopped in and took over the GTFOH duties for Friday. In her roundup she noted that the head of Homeland Security’s Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency, Christopher Krebs, was most likely on the chopping block for noting that the election was secure. Do you think Genetta gloated about this?
If you said, no, then you don’t know Genetta.
Actual message from Genetta early this morning: “Nostradamus, who? Even that fuck nigga didn’t see this coming! For the rest of the day, you may refer to me as the Oracle. Let me know if you need lottery numbers. Oracle out.”
Sadly, Genetta, I mean Oracle, was correct. Krebs didn’t stand a chance. Anyone that goes against the queen must die. And Krebs had to know this. Krebs explained systematically that this was one of the safest and most accurate elections in recent years, and Trump wasn’t having it. So Trump does what he always does; he fired the truth teller for telling the truth and continued to push the lie.
If only there was a person who could’ve seen into the future and warned us about this.