QAnon apostle Marjorie Taylor Greene, unsanctioned high school chaperone Matt Gaetz and the self-proclaimed “dumbest man in Congress” were forced to evacuate a press conference when their regularly scheduled bullshit parade turned into an all-out shitshow.
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.), Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) and Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) scheduled a Tuesday press conference outside the Department of Justice in support of the detained Jan. 6 insurrectionists. Contrary to their usual stance on law and order, the elected officials wanted the world to know how unfair it was to punish violent thugs who did absolutely nothing wrong except attempt a violent overthrow of the government at Greene and Gaetz’s behest.
It did not go well.
The three-ringed circus began with the stooges’ attempt to reenact their proudest moment by storming the DOJ building. Unfortunately, the well-planned attack was thwarted by a secret device called a “locked door,” forcing the trio to say things. Gohmert, Greene and Gaetz apparently didn’t heed the words of Founding Father Dwayne Michael Carter, who noted that “real Gs move in silence like lasagna.” Of course, being from Texas, we know Gohmert probably spells it lazannya.
First of all, kudos to the guy who showed up with the whistle to drown out the sound of lies being born. Although Matt Gaetz might be used to hearing this sound when he shows up to check out high school cheerleading competitions, it totally ruined his press conference. Not since The Andy Griffith Show has a white man used a whistle so effectively.
Protesters also appeared. But the real MVP was the actual band with the sign that said “rapists and traitors, sit down + shut up.”
After Gaetz, Greene and Gohmert testified about their hate for elections, law enforcement and reading out loud (I’m guessing. The whistle was really loud), Congresswoman Crazy Eyes finally decided to end the dumpster fire shortly after declaring that she will not be the turd (Or maybe she said “deterred. Again...whistle). Gohmert appeared confused, which is to say he looked normal. But judging from Greene’s long face, she was very unhappy.
Greene fled the site of the “intolerant left’s” refusal to allow government officials carry out their official duties at a press conference in support of people who wouldn’t let government officials carry out their official duties. It was totally unfair how the media harassed her in the manner that she harassed David Hogg, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Cori Bush and Holocaust victims.
Meanwhile, Gaetz ran away like he was sneaking out of his girlfriend’s window as one heckler repeatedly asked him if he was a pedophile. He should be applauded for managing to restrain himself from replying: “Who’s asking?”
The white nationalist saviors were there to support men like Proud Boy leader Joe Biggs, who has spent three months in jail for nothing more than leading a white supremacist gang on a cop-beating spree at the nation’s capital. In a statement issued on Tuesday, Biggs moaned and groaned about how the people at the jail are treating him like he’s in jail.
Unfortunately, Biggs has been subjected to bad food, terrible sleeping conditions and very limited spa time. He hasn’t even been offered a private bathroom, so he can’t even shit in peace.
One out of five stars.
Would not recommend.