Florida, Man

Illustration for article titled Florida, Man
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You know how something happens in the news, and it’s incredibly weird and far-fetched, and as you are reading it, you know before the article tells you that the incident happened in Florida?

Or what about all the weirdo stories that have headlines that begin with “Florida Man,” and you immediately understand the problem without reading the article?

That’s Florida, man.

Florida is the state that would rather arm teachers than create legislation that protects students from anyone with a gun.


Florida is the state where a police officer had to go back for more training after “accidentally” using a Taser on a 10-year-old child during a “gun safety lesson.”

Florida also considers porn more of a health hazard than guns.

Florida is the state where people took bath salts and ate each other’s face off.


Florida is the state where a sheriff promised to arrest anyone with a warrant who went to a shelter during Hurricane Irma.

Florida is the state that gave us the black teenager who posed as a doctor. And people believed him.


Florida is the state where politicians are openly racist and call their fellow politicians who are black the n-word and called a black woman politician “girl” and “this bitch.”

Florida also gave us the concept of “walking while black.”


Florida, man.

Florida is the state where a local Pizza Hut franchise refused to deliver pizzas to a historically black neighborhood after dark.


Florida is the state where a state’s attorney (and The Root 100 honoree) received veiled death threats in the form of a noose being sent to her office, and where a state official said that same state’s attorney “should be tarred and feathered, if not hung from a tree.”

Florida is the state that robbed Al Gore of his presidency.

Florida is the state where a middle school teacher who is the host of a white nationalist podcast dismissed the idea that a Nigerian child could learn at the same rate and have the same IQ as a child from Sweden.


Florida is the state where an elementary school refused to put toilet paper in the bathroom stalls and instead handed out wads of it on an “as-needed basis.”


Florida, man.

And now that same state is in the process of passing legislation called the “Sunshine Protection Act” that will make it so they never have to spring forward or fall back again.


Sunshine protection? How exactly is that legislation protecting the sun? The sun is still going to come up when it does and set when it does regardless of what time clocks say.

They worrying about cutting down on time changes.

We wish they would just cut it out, period.

Like this:


Florida, man.

News Editor for The Root. I said what I said. Period.

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