Donald Trump Admits He's a Terrible President

Bereft of logical arguments for why any lucid-thinking human being would ever cast a ballot in favor of an incompetent, egomaniacal scofflaw white nationalist, President Donald Trump has resorted to a peculiar technique to secure a second-term dictatorship of the seventh-greatest country in the world: Suggested Reading The Ever-Growing List of Lawsuits Against Sean ‘Diddy’…

Bereft of logical arguments for why any lucid-thinking human being would ever cast a ballot in favor of an incompetent, egomaniacal scofflaw white nationalist, President Donald Trump has resorted to a peculiar technique to secure a second-term dictatorship of the seventh-greatest country in the world:

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Trump’s Tariffs Might Stick Around. What Should We Buy Now?
Trump’s Tariffs Might Stick Around. What Should We Buy Now?

Acknowledgment.

In a series of typical addlebrained ramblings over the past 24 hours, Trump seems to have conceded that he is the IceJJFish of presidents. He has declared that he is to America what Carole Baskin is to first husbands. He seems to agree that he is light-skinned Aunt Viv; a wig designer on a Tyler Perry production; a feckless, immoral, shitstain on the bottom of a toilet at a backroad Citgo that peddles boiled peanuts, day-old hot dogs and live bait.

He said it, not me.

On Wednesday, the Teddy Rileyโ€™s goatee of presidents acknowledged his administrationโ€™s efforts to sabotage mail-in-voting when he told voters in North Carolina to vote in person after voting by mail, NBC reports.

โ€œIf you get the unsolicited ballots, send it in and then go make sure itโ€™s counted,โ€ the Windows Phone of presidents dumbsplained. โ€œAnd if it doesnโ€™t tabulate, you vote. And if they tabulate it very lateโ€”which they shouldnโ€™t be doingโ€”theyโ€™ll see you voted and it wonโ€™t count.โ€

And if you think the Fatal Affair of presidentsโ€™ felonious advice was one of the off-the-cuff riffs for which he has become famous, Trump reiterated his stance with WECTโ€™s Jon Evans a few moments later.

https://twitter.com/Channel4News/status/1301466950627983360?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
https://twitter.com/briantylercohen/status/1301284245449576453?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Twenty-four hours later, after people intelligent enough to recall the lessons of seventh-grade pointed out the insanity of his argument, Trump tweeted another randomly capitalized directive that proves he has no idea how anything works. Instead of saying โ€œmy bad, donโ€™t commit voter fraud,โ€ he doubled down on his argument. He went on to explain he meant that people should try to vote twice...unless they couldnโ€™t, in which case, they probably shouldnโ€™t.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301528522582786049?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Apparently, Trump has no idea that 12 states donโ€™t even begin processing mail-in and absentee ballots until Election Day, according to the National Councils of State Legislators. And, aside from being a federal crime, voting twice would only be necessary ifโ€”and Iโ€™m just spitballing hereโ€”a presidential administration blocked funding for the U.S. Postal Service while simultaneously dismantling the Post Officeโ€™s infrastructure, encouraging foreign interference, aiding voter suppression and bungling a global pandemic which necessitated the need for mail-in-ballots in the first place.

But the orange Kool-Aid of presidents wasnโ€™t done with his public confessional. Later that evening, after scarfing down what one can only presume was a Filet-o-Fish and a large order of tater tots, Trump took to his favorite social media platform to confess that he was totally wrong about defunding the police.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301315810485579776?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Trump has now issued a five-page memo instructing the Office of Management and Budget to look at how his administration could possibly restrict federal funding for cities embroiled in chaos and destruction caused by shooting Black people. The guidance also asks the Department of Justice for a list of โ€œanarchist citiesโ€ that he could defund because, apparently, President PT Cruiser thinks that if local municipalities arenโ€™t correctly enforcing the law, then they shouldnโ€™t get more money to fuel their incompetence.

The Washington Post reports:

The memo comes as the president seeks to intensify his attacks on Democratic mayors of cities that have faced civil unrest amid protests against police brutality. It specifically calls for a review of federal funding that goes to Portland, Ore.; New York City; Seattle; and D.C. Legal experts said the White House maneuver to restrict funding would almost certainly be met by an immediate challenge in court...

White House officials say the restrictions on federal funding are aimed to encourage cities to crack down on violent protesters. OMB Director Russell Vought said in a statement: โ€œWe are taking action by exploring all options to ensure Federal resources flowing to lawless cities arenโ€™t being squandered. The lack of law and order surrounding these riots, and response from local leadership, is a dereliction of duty.โ€

Apparently, the Grape-Nuts of presidents believes that city, county or state law enforcement agencies that donโ€™t protect its citizens from criminal police donโ€™t deserve the money that citizens have paid to prevent being killed by criminals. Again, this is the entire point of the โ€œdefund the policeโ€ movement that Trump has railed against for weeks. Now he seems to be embracing this strategy because he is to โ€œlaw and orderโ€ what hydroxychloroquine is to the coronavirus.

Finally, on Thursday morning, the hotel lotion of presidents suggested that government leaders responsible for mismanaging the COVID-19 crisis should be prosecuted. Trump noted that only incompetent leadership would allow nursing homes to be ravaged by the coronavirus. While he directed his animus at New York Gov. Mario Cuomo, one couldnโ€™t help but wonder if heโ€™d be sharing a cell with his homeboy Michael Cohen if prosecutors took his racist legal precedent seriously.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301516949793505287?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Also, if the black Air Force Ones of presidents can blame COVID-19 on the entire country of China, do we get to call racism the โ€œWhite virus?โ€ Should we refer to mass shootings as โ€œNRAids?โ€ Now people will finally acknowledge that I used the correct medical terminology when I insisted that white women call the police because they are affected by the Karenavirus (Not to be confused with Caucasian Cell Anemia.)

Trump is so scared of losing the upcoming election that he seems to be throwing his own feces against a wall just to see if it sticks. His only path to electoral victory seems to rest on the legal precedent of โ€œI broke it, so you should let me fix it.โ€ His nervous, reckless flailing might come across as desperate but I appreciate it. Itโ€™s like when a victim gets to hear their abuser admit their guilt before a judge hands down a sentence.

Plus, if weโ€™re lucky, we might one day wake up to see that the micropenis erectile dysfunction of presidents tweeted this:

Straight From The Root

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