Look, I don’t like to brag, but I’m kind of a big deal. One of my best traits is how humble I am. I’ve been known to predict the weather, R&B-group breakups, LeBron James leaving Miami and leaving Cleveland again, and Dennis Rodman needing to be at the summit between North Korean leader Kim Jong Un and President Hymen von HawkSpit.
That’s right—on March 9, 2018, I noted that the bastion of global peace, Dennis Rodman, was our only hope at a peaceful meeting between an egomaniacal, tyrannical leader and Kim.
You can find my bold prediction here:
I would like to encourage you to read it, and then, at the end of the piece, I’d like you to reflect on my greatness. You can send all of your well wishes and praise here.
For those of you who struggle clicking links that basically expose my amazing abilities, I will tell you that in that piece, I wrote this:
You know what’s more bizarre then two hot-headed world leaders getting together in a room to talk peace? Dennis Rodman. Rodman—the tattooed, onetime drug addict-and-onetime basketball player-turned-reformed drug addict, whose temperament can best be described as a faulty shredded trip wire on its last thread—has the distinguished privilege of being one of the few men alive to be friends with both the combustible leader of North Korea and the dotard president of the United States.
So now the news is that Rodman has arrived in Singapore ahead of the summit. While Rodman wouldn’t confirm whether or not he would be involved in the actual meeting between the xenophobic, narcissistic dictator and Kim, he told CNN that he hopes this summit is a success.
“I’m just happy to be a part of it because I think I deserve it; I think I brought awareness on a lot of things around the world, and I think North Korea has given a lot of people the opportunity to do this conference now,” Rodman said. “And I hope it’s a success.”
Chances are the summit is going to be great, or else it’s going to be a waste of time. Who cares? The important point of this story is that I called Dennis Rodman being there, and really, that’s all that matters.