Can We Talk About Tom Brady Kissing His 11-Year-Old Son on the Mouth for a Long Time?

I believe in father-son affection. I have a son. He’s 3 months old, and I am dreading the day that he finds my kissing his cheek uncool. I also believe that because America doesn’t love black boys, it’s my job as his dad to make sure that he knows at all times that he is loved. So I kiss on his little face and hands because he is my boy. I don’t kiss him on the mouth.

I still kiss my dad on his cheek. He also kisses me on mine. He’s getting old now, so who knows how long he’ll be here. We say “I love you” now. It’s new for us. But no matter what we’ve gone through, we have always hugged and kissed each other on the cheek.

The cheek.

I don’t, however, kiss my dad on the mouth. I also don’t kiss my dad on the mouth for a long time, like a hard three-count kiss time.

New England Patriots star quarterback Tom Brady, he of the sculpted chin divot and model wife, is starring alongside his family in a Facebook docuseries, and the latest episode shows Brady getting a rubdown when his son walks into the room and gives him a kiss on the lips.

Brady jokes that the kiss was like a peck, and then his son returns to really plant one on him .... on his lips! Son.

Look, I don’t care if a son kisses his dad on the lips, but I do care if said son stays there for a count longer than three seconds, because it’s weird. Also, I don’t make the weird rules, I just adhere to them. It’s weird, like the-video-of-the-rat-bathing-himself-like-a-fucking-human weird. And it isn’t white-people weird—well, kind of, but I know black people who don’t mind this kind of familial affection.

Hell, Baby’s fake son, Lil Wayne, used to kiss his fake father on the lips, and people didn’t find that weird. Psych, who am I kidding? Everyone found that weird, and if they didn’t, I don’t know why they didn’t. Look, watch it happen below, and tell me if I’m tripping in the comments. I know that I’m not, but tell me if I am. I can’t be tripping. This is weird, right?!