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South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham Is Willing to Risk It All for Love
I’m convinced that President Trump has several photos of a buck-naked Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) holding an equally naked goat in a seedy hotel room lit only by Russian-prostitute-urine-scented candles, as we’ve not seen this level of commitment since this cat saw bacon. Over the weekend, Senate Judiciary Chairman Lindsey Graham, once a respected member of…
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Real White House Wives Recap: Everything You Need to Know About the Potential War With Iran
In case you’ve been living under a rock, simply don’t care, or don’t like to involve yourself with messy drama and stunt queens, then this is everything you need to know about the possible war with Iran, why Trump did what he did, and why we all are about to die. Sike, we aren’t going…
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Trump Predicted War With Iran in 2011 to Win Re-election and The Root Has the Tweets to Prove It
President Trump had a game plan long before he took office and it looked like this: Should things start to go awry and reelection seems shaky, just start a war with Iran. But at the time, Trump claimed this was going to be Obama’s game plan, which never happened. Well, guess who is following the…
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Facing an Impeachment Trial, Trump Orders Airstrike, Killing Iranian Commander; Iran Vows to Retaliate
So it begins. Facing a Senate impeachment trial and approval ratings that have fallen lower than the price of a VCR, Trump has pulled a play out of the Wag the Dog playbook and authorized a drone airstrike that killed Qasem Soleimani, head of the Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps Quds Force, setting the stage for…
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Trump’s Crash Test Dummy Rudy Giuliani Would Love to Testify at President’s Senate Trial
Trump’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani, whose bottom teeth look like freshly pissed-on snow, is willing to testify at the president’s Senate impeachment trial because Giuliani can’t stand that the spotlight’s not on him. “I would testify, I would do demonstrations, I’d give lectures, I’d give summations, or I’d do what I do best: I’d try…
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Sen. Susan Collins Can Take a Long Walk Off a Short Pier
Every now and again, Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine) tries to act like she’s an actual politician who is open to hearing all the evidence before making a decision. It’s a masterful piece of work. Like that time during Supreme Court Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearing, where Collins acted like she was concerned about his abhorrent…
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Julián Castro Ends Presidential Campaign
Former Housing and Urban Development Secretary Julián Castro, the only Latinx candidate in the field, has ended his campaign for president after low polling numbers and difficulty raising the excessive amount of money needed to compete for a chance to govern the country. “I’m so proud of the campaign we’ve run together. We’ve shaped the…
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Blow the Whistle: Trump Retweeted the Name of the Alleged Whistleblower Because He’s Too Short’s Favorite Word
When Too Short commanded that everyone “Blow the Whistle,” he didn’t mean for the president of the United States to in fact retweet the name of the alleged whistleblower who reported his dubious Ukraine phone call but such is life. The actual whistleblower dropped dime on Trump’s shady phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky…
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Russians Must’ve Hacked the Gallup Poll, as Trump and Obama Tie for Most Admired Man of 2019
Either there is an equal amount of scummy people taking a new Gallup poll or Russians have hacked the results to inflate President Trump’s ego, as he has allegedly tied former President Barack Obama as the most admired man of 2019. I mean, one of these guys is the president and the other is living…
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Sen. Mitch McConnell Just Threw a $1 Billion Gift to His Home State, Just in Time for His Reelection Campaign
Have you heard the fable about the hare and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.)? It goes like this: The hare was Usain Bolt fast. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was not only slow, he was a whole bitch. The two were set to race and Vegas couldn’t figure out why the Republican money was…

