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Federal Watchdog Finds That Trump Broke the Law by Withholding Ukrainian Aid
Did you know that there is a federal watchdog group that holds the government accountable? I didn’t either. But apparently, the Government Accountability Office has put a ring (and by “ring,” I mean handcuffs) on it and made it official: Trump broke the law when he withheld congressionally-approved aid to Ukraine last year. According to…
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Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s 7-Member Impeachment Hit Squad Includes Hakeem Jeffries and Val Demings
On Wednesday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced the seven House members who will prosecute President Trump’s Senate impeachment trial, and while the usual names are there (we see you, Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.) and Intelligence Committee Chairman Rep. Adam B. Schiff (D-Calif.)), we also see black members Democratic Caucus Chairman Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.)…
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The Entire Russian Government Just Said, 'Ight Imma Head Out'
On Wednesday, after learning that Russian President Vladimir Putin was proposing reforms that would strengthen the prime minister’s role after rumors that Putin was planning to shift to Prime Minister, the entire Russian government chucked Putin the deuces and bounced. Live footage of the entire Russian government: Because Putin’s reign in office—much like someone else…
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Rudy’s Boy, Lev Parnas, Is Going Full 6ix9ine and the Documents He Gave Up Are Insane
Lev Parnas is ready to tell you why fools fall in love. He knows everything that the lonely do at Christmas and whether T-Pain really brought that girl a drink. Parnas knows whether or not all of the people in the club actually got tipsy and whether or not they committed DUIs later that evening.…
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Bern Victim: If Rumors Are True, Bernie Sanders Is Going to Have to Explain Why He Reportedly Told Elizabeth Warren a Woman Can’t Win
Bernie Sanders, America’s favorite mall kiosk tax preparer, is going to have to do a lot of mansplaining to work himself out of this one. According to reports, during a private meeting in 2018 between him and Elizabeth Warren, the two longtime friends sat down to discuss what was at stake with Trump at the…
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Trump Retweets Photoshopped Image of Nancy Pelosi in a Hijab Because a Muslim Is Obviously More Dangerous Than a Degenerate Wannabe Dictator
There is one joke that never seems to get old with Republican voters; maybe you’ve heard it: It’s the one where everyone pokes fun at people wearing crosses. Wait, you haven’t heard this joke? That’s because people don’t make them. You’d be a douche if you made fun of Christianity but you know what hasn’t…
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The White House Even Lies About the Weather, Tweets Photo of ‘First Snow’ on 70 Degree Day
The White House is so out of touch with reality that on one of the hottest days in January history, the White House shared a photo declaring the first snow of the year. “First snow of the year!” read the photo’s caption, which showed the White House in the background and snow pouring down. The…
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Sen. Cory Booker Drops Out of Presidential Race
On Monday, in a move that we all saw coming, Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.)—he of the wide smile and charismatic optimism that’s almost too good to be true—announced that he’s ending his bid for president. You know what this means? We won’t have a first lady named Rosario! That former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick is…
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Spiritual Guru Didn’t Consult Her 3rd Eye About Presidential Chances and Now She’s Out
Author Marianne Williamson, more commonly referred to as “the kooky lady running for president” ended her 2020 Democratic presidential campaign Friday after many people who are openly Democrat and follow politics were like, “She’s still in the race?” “I stayed in the race to take advantage of every possible opportunity to share our message. With…
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The White House Doesn’t Want You to Know How Much It Costs for Trump to Visit His Shitty Resorts Until After the 2020 Election
Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin-on-Trump’s-nuts just can’t stop pass-blocking for his boo. Besides denying a request by Congress to turn over Trump’s tax documents, he’s now trying to delay revealing how much the Trump family has spent on presidential travel until after the 2020 election and Russia uses Facebook to put Trump back into office. According…
