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Hey Did You Know There Was a Debate on Tonight? Me Either. But Here’s Everything You Need to Know
So it turns out the League of Extraordinarily Lame Democratic candidates is gearing up for their final debate of the year, and what’s way more interesting than the group that will be on stage, Thursday, is the folks who won’t. Former Housing and Urban Development Secretary Julián Castro, who has been in as many debates…
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Nancy Pelosi’s Playing 3-D Chess With a President Who Has Trouble with 4-Piece Puzzles
The U.S. president’s blind spot has always been women. The president is such a misogynist that he doesn’t believe that women are as capable, or strong and smart enough to outwit him, which is hilarious considering this is the same president that has trouble reading off a teleprompter. Nevertheless, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi…
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Paul Manafort’s Hair Color Has Become the New Ray J Hat. Oh, and He Had Some Chest Pain or Something
Sometime last week, President Trump’s former campaign chair was treated for a “cardiac event,” which could be anything from acid reflux to something more serious. And while Manafort’s health is a concern, his changing hair color is all I care about. Did you know that Manafort was using “Just for White Men”? Apparently Manafort had…
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Trump Sends Bubble-Gut Tweets as Impeachment Vote Looms
Whenever Trump is sending out massive amounts of tweets—which usually include retweets of far-right-wing bloggers praising him and calling for him to play Maverick in the reboot of Top Gun—you know that Trump is losing. This is what he’s done his entire presidency. So on the day that a vote is expected to call for…
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Trump Sends Savage Letter to Nancy Pelosi That’s Full of Lies and Exclamation Points
So Trump didn’t come before the House committees during the impeachment inquiries and most likely won’t appear in front of the Senate to answer questions regarding his phone call with the Ukrainian president, which absolutely included Trump withholding aid in exchange for an investigation into dirt on political rival Joe Biden and his son Hunter,…
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Sen. Mitch McConnell Doesn’t Want Dems to Call Witnesses During Impeachment Trial Because He’s a Whole Bitch
On Tuesday, Sen. Mitch “Turtleneck” McConnell (R-Ky.) continued his mission to ruin the impeachment proceedings in the Senate by rejecting Democrats’ demands to have four White House officials called as witnesses because Mitch McConnell is a whole bitch. Here’s what we know is happening: On Wednesday, the House is most certainly going to vote to…
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Masochist Rudy Giuliani Continues to Punch Himself in the Balls, Claims He Needed US Ambassador to Ukraine ‘Out of the Way’
Rudy Giuliani continues to be the Scrappy-Doo to Trump’s Scooby. In a recent interview, the former mayor of New York City and the president’s personal lawyer admitted that in order to dig up dirt on Democrats, he needed to get the U.S. ambassador to Ukraine removed. Luckily, Giuliani told this to a really small-time magazine…
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House Judiciary Committee Report: Trump ‘Betrayed the Nation’
In news that will only be shocking to 53 percent of Rebeccas that voted for their lord and savior, the House Judiciary Committee said that Russia’s most entrenched bedbug did, in fact, betray America by being an absolute albatross and spineless sack of pig vomit. On Monday, the House Judiciary Committee released a scathing report…
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Trump’s Thirsty Ass Loves an Audience, So Why’s He Acting Like He Won’t Attend Next Year’s General Election Debate?
There are only three things President Trump loves more than a captive audience and a camera: women not named Melania, a smoothie made of goat’s blood and venom, and his son, Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.). So the president can kill it with his pump-faking antics like he won’t be attending next year’s presidential debates. On…
