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Stephen A. Smith’s Ego and Hairline Suffers 2-Inch Setback After Jemele Hill Snatches His Wig on Twitter
ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith is a black man. He’s had to point this out a lot over the past few months when his black credentials were thoroughly examined after what many believed was a bashing of quarterback-turned-freedom-fighter Colin Kaepernick’s clusterfuck on an NFL tryout. Smith was called everything but a child of God for his…
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Damn, Cory Booker: NJ Senator Fails to Make Next Democratic Debate
New Jersey senator and 2020 Democratic presidential hopeful Cory Booker’s can-do spirit is still intact despite dismal fundraising and sad polling numbers, both of which will keep him off the debate stage on Dec. 19. “Today is the deadline for the DNC’s December debate qualifying threshold— and while I may not be on the debate…
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2 Articles of Impeachment Approved Against Trump as the Mad King Loses His Mind on Twitter
In a move we all saw coming but it still took forever, the House Judiciary Committee approved two articles of impeachment against President Quid Pro Hoe. After a marathon arguing session Thursday night that looked a lot like arguments in my house, the Judiciary Committee voted along party lines to impeach the president, making him…
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Trump Mocks Teen Climate Change Activist Greta Thunberg and His Campaign Tweets Image of His Face on Her Body
It appears that the Trump campaign’s re-election strategy is to use Photoshopped images of the president’s orange face on the bodies of every successful white person, both fictional and real. As it stands, Trump and his team have shared images of the president’s face on fake great white hope Rocky Balboa and supervillain Thanos. While…
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Human Poop Emoji Donald Trump Jr. Killed an Endangered Sheep Because He’s an Asshole
When the poop emoji wanted to move through the world without being detected, it needed a human host. The human host had to have very little brain activity, with little to no spine and who cheated on his wife with a member of Danity Kane. It needed to be someone who no one would notice…
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Pastor Who Sermonized That Jews Are Going to Hell Was Trump’s Pick to Speak at White House Hanukkah Reception
Only in this time, with this White House, could a pastor who once said that Jews are going to hell be one of the speakers at a White House Hanukkah reception, which included the signing of an executive order aimed at tackling anti-Semitism on college campuses. I can’t make this shit up. “Several prominent Jewish…
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‘Omar’s Coming, Yo!’: House Panel Takes Steps Toward Impeachment Vote
President Trump’s biggest flaw could be described by my favorite character on the best television show in American history, The Wire’s Omar Little, who once stated: “A man gotta have a code.” Trump doesn’t have a code. Hell, he doesn’t have a soul, a decent head of hair or a good tanning lotion. He’s cheated…
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Former FBI Lawyer Is Suing FBI, the Justice Department, and Trump Still Can’t Keep Her Name Out of His Mouth
Former FBI lawyer, Lisa Page, whose “fuck the fat orange guy running for president” text messages with another FBI employee were leaked to the media, is suing the Justice Department and the FBI for being messy AF. From CBS News: Her attorneys argue in the suit that the revelation of her text messages violates the…
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First Rocky, Now Thanos: We Are Being Governed by Evil Richie Rich
For those that don’t know, or aren’t old enough to remember, Richie Rich was a little white kid whose parents were so rich that by default he became the richest kid in America. Sadly, the president of the United States, in his stunted developmental growth is basically the evil version of the 1953 character who…
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For Colored Dads Who Have Considered Kindness When French Fries Wasn’t Enuf
I planned to explain my leave of absence from The Root before it happened. Then, during my wife’s routine doctor’s visit on the last Friday of August, everything went to shit. We thought we had a week and a half before she would give birth but she was on the phone telling me that the…
