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Speaker Nancy Pelosi Says Trump ‘Leaves Us No Choice But to Act’ on Impeachment
And so it begins. On Thursday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced that she’s asked that articles of impeachment be drafted against President I Did That Shit. Sure impeachment without removal from office is about as damaging as a public indecency charge from 1994; it’s not going to really do anything but it’s embarrassing if it…
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Presidential Hopefuls Julián Castro and Cory Booker Express Anger, Concern Over Kamala Harris’ Ending Her Campaign
Former Housing and Urban Development Secretary Julián Castro didn’t mince words when asked about his feelings on the abrupt ending of California Sen. Kamala Harris’ bid for president. “To me, they held her to a different standard, a double standard, to other campaigns. And I don’t know if it impacted her decision to withdraw from…
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Kamala Harris Shuts Door on Presidency and Dunks on the President on Her Way Out
On Tuesday, Sen. Kamala Harris announced that she was ending her presidential campaign, but because Trump knows nothing about an AKA’s ability to clap back—or how to do anything with grace—he sarcastically tweeted, “Too bad. We will miss you Kamala!” Apparently, no one told the president that Kamala had already obtained three clapback infinity stones…
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World Leaders Caught on Hot Mic Clowning Trump, and Princess Anne Is a Real One
World leaders and a fussy baby who keeps telling everyone he won the popular vote are in London for the NATO summit. Unfortunately for America, our representative is a failed businessman-turned-reality TV host who can’t stop whining. Basically, he’s a national embarrassment on a global stage, like a kid that keeps yelling “pee-pee” and “boo-boo”…
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House Democrats’ Impeachment Report Confirms Trump Is a Finesser Who Cares More About KFC Than America
In news that should be shocking to no one with opposable thumbs, a report by House Intelligence Committee Democrats confirms that President Trump was more concerned about his own personal gain than the well-being of the country when he tried to finesse a quid pro quo arrangement with the Ukrainian president. According to several sources,…
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Trump Offers ‘Isis Fighters’ to French President Because He Just Can’t Stop Being a Global Embarrassment
American albatross and the president of people who believe in UFOs sat across from the president of France—a real president—who continuously embarrassed Trump in a tense meeting that the U.S. president made tense by being an asshole. During the sideline NATO meeting Tuesday, Trump did the condescending asshole-y thing he does where he offered the…
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Kamala Harris Drops Out of Presidential Race Amid Rumors of a Directionless Campaign That Was Hemorrhaging Cash
Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.), the spitfire with the HBCU bonafides, has dropped out of the 2020 presidential race amid rumors that her campaign lacked direction, had no cash and “no real plan to win,” according to one campaign staffer who resigned and burned the bridge on her way out the door. According to the Washington…
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Kellyanne Conway Tried to Burn Joe Biden. Then Her Husband Came and Lit Her Ass Up
I am convinced—and no one can unconvince me—that White House counselor Kellyanne Conway and her husband, Mr. Kellyanne Conway, have a sex game that looks like this: Kellyanne, aka Lil Half-Dead, will work for one of the most powerful racists in the country and Mr. Kellyanne Conway (I think his name is George or Bill…
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Trump Won’t Participate in This Week’s House Judiciary Impeachment Hearing Because He Did That Shit
Look, it’s time that we stop hemming and hawing around what we know to be the truth: Trump tied Ukrainian aid to dirt on possible Democratic 2020 rival Joe Biden and his son, Hunter. That happened. Full stop. What’s happened since then has been a game of let’s see if the GOP can make a…
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The Race for Trump’s Love: GOP Sen. John Kennedy Is Closing in on Sen. Lindsey Graham
Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) is an old white man, which means he can pretty much say anything and not be held accountable. He can say things that aren’t true and then simply come back late and claim “I misspoke” or just yell out “fake news,” and despite there being camera footage, he can still insist…
