A snowflake has fled the country.
In the sordid tales of the unseasoned rioters who insurrected the fuck out of the Capitol on Jan. 6, one of them has now fled the country and is claiming asylum in Belarus.
According to Business Insider, Evan Neumann, 48, is on the FBI’s most-wanted list for his role in the Unseasoned storming of the Capitol. The fact that Neumann is on the FBI list is hilarious considering that jaywalking and parking in a handicapped parking space gets folks more prison time than storming the Capitol but whatever.
Neumann faces six charges, “including allegations of assaulting officers, obstructing law enforcement, knowingly entering the Capitol without permission, and violent conduct, according to documents filed by the U.S. district court,” Business Insider reports.
Neumann didn’t stay around to wait for the feds to come storming in his home, much like he and the Unseasoned did the Capitol. Instead, he sold his California house and fled to the Ukraine to avoid arrest and has since popped up in Belarus.
From Business Insider:
The man initially traveled to Italy in March, and made his way to Ukraine, where he rented an apartment for four months. He claims that Ukrainian security services were “following” him after two weeks, so he fled to Belarus.
A Belarus state TV presenter claimed that Neumann is being “persecuted by the U.S. government” in his interview, the Moscow Times reported.
Someone might want to tell Neumann that he jumped the gun since courts aren’t handing out any real sentences unless your name is Troy Smocks.
You don’t know Troy Smocks? Well, let me put you up on game: Troy Smocks is a Texas man who, to date, has received the longest punishment connected to the January 6 insurrection and...wait...this can’t be right….he wasn’t even at the Capitol!
Smocks, 58, got 14 months in prison after he pleaded guilty to one felony count of transmitting threats in interstate commerce. Do I even need to mention that Smocks is a Black man? I know that has nothing to do with his grossly unfair treatment by the United States court system, but I just wanted to point that out.
Smocks’ crime was that he sent threatening messages onto Parler (white people Twitter) on January 6. He claimed that he was going “go hunting” for politicians of both parties.
“Prepare Our Weapons, and then go hunting. Let’s hunt these cowards down like the Traitors that each of them are,” Smocks wrote. “This includes, RINOS, Dems, and Tech Execs.”
He. Didn’t. Even. Go. To. The. Capitol.
Yeah, Neumann’s got nothing to worry about. Not one thing.