Photo: Randy Brooke (Getty Images)

At The Root we loves us a good conspiracy theory. All conspiracy theories. On the tame side, we absolutely believe that Russian bots stole the election through deception and Russian prostitution pee pee blackmail. And on the aluminum foil Kangol side, we believe that Tupac may or may not be living in a Cuban flat with Assata Shakur.

So with that as the basis, I give you my latest theory: Kanye West denounced his political leanings because his newest Yeezy was trash, didn’t sell and Adidas wasn’t having it.

Now, a timeline.

Anyone who’s watched an episode of Making a Murderer, or, more importantly, American Vandal, knows that a good conspiracy theory needs a timeline. Here’s ours.

  • Oct. 11: Kanye met and hugged the president while wearing his MAGA hat.
  • Oct. 27: The Yeezy 700 “Mauve” is released, becoming the least successful shoe in the history of Yeezy sneakers.
  • Oct. 27: Right-wing blackface and Kanye barnacle, Candace Owens, announces that Kanye was the creator of the “Blexit” t-shirt, which becomes a catchphrase for blacks leaving the Democratic Party.
  • Oct. 28: Adidas sends out mass emails in the following days announcing that Yeezy 700s are still available.
  • Oct. 29: After days of the shoe sitting, Adidas pulls them off the website.
  • Oct. 30: Kanye denounces politics claiming that he’s been used to spread messages he doesn’t believe in, adding that he didn’t create the Blexit shirts.

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Now, a list.

Image: Adidas

There are several reasons why the shoe tanked.

  1. It’s trash. The shoe literally looks like a dumpster had a three-way with a ramp and a regular running shoe. The result was the Yeezy 700.
  2. It’s expensive as shit. The shoe retailed for $300.
  3. Kanye literally hugged that Bama. It’s one thing to agree with a deplorable’s politics and it’s certainly another to hug him.
  4. They released way too many. Whether this was to support Kanye’s claims that anyone who wants a Yeezy should be able to have them or whether Adidas over-produced based on the shoe’s popularity they have been reports that there were over 40,000 of the shoes made.
  5. The Yeezy 700 Mauve looked like an inclined brick with a gum sole. See reason 1.

Think about this: Nike has become the face of the black lives matter movement and the home of the resistance. Does it make it true? Of course not. Nike is a corporation and corporations do what they’ve always done: Make money. But Nike signed Colin Kaepernick, the face of a movement, and made him the face of their “Just Do It” campaign. They made commercials about defining the odds and standing up for something even when it means losing everything.

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Kanye’s love for President Whippy Von SlaveHands made Adidas’ motto “Just Don’t Do It.” And while Adidas hadn’t become the official athletic gear of the alt-right, it was moving in that direction. Kanye, not athletes, is the biggest name on the Adidas brand. And surely Kanye’s support of one of the most divisive presidents to ever have his ass spanked in the presidential bedroom wasn’t helping matters.

Methinks Adidas pulled his overly-priced homeless coattails after the dismal release, and all of a sudden, Kanye found God and righteousness and denounced his old self. Either way, the timing is off. It seems a bit odd that Kanye would release a sneaker that had the worst showing in the history of the Yeezy brand and then, seemingly out of nowhere, Kanye who has quadrupled down on his support of President ChiChi Von FuckFace (don’t forget he hugged that Bama), decides that he’s been delivert and he “don’t like politics no more” (Andrew Caldwell voice.)

Maybe he finally realized that wearing ugly shoes is a choice. Or, as my uncle would say, “Something is unclean in these greens.”