'Woke,' Leftist & Black: The Incomplete Glossary of White Slurs

Illustration for article titled 'Woke,' Leftist & Black: The Incomplete Glossary of White Slurs
Image: Photo Melon (Shutterstock)

When a leftist goes to sleep, are they not “woke”? If an antifa retires, do they become profa? How many thugs make up a gang?

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White people are terrible at roasting. I’m sure you’ve heard some of the most recent pathetic attempts by conservatives to demonize their adversaries. Their lackluster linguistic skills date back to Aug. 21, 1831 when Benjamin Turner saw his enslaved man Nat walking toward him with a machete and called him a “surly negro jackanape.”

While Black people are known for their colorful colloquialisms, people who lose their top lips when they turn 32 also have a set of words that alerts their fellow washcloth-less associates that someone may be challenging the status quo. And since white people haven’t created a significant cultural movement since Jim Crow, there’s no website called SuburbanDictionary.com or DogWhistlepedia.org. Therefore, it’s difficult to know what white people mean when they sling insults.

Until now.

While this is, by no means, an exhaustive list of words and phrases used by red-faced finger-pointers, we wanted to put together a list of common insults and slurs you may hear when a white person disapproves of your actions.


Animal

Pronounced: ANN-nee-mull”: A Black person who won’t listen.

When a non-white person offends a white person, they immediately lose their humanity. However, white people don’t always use the word “animal.” They may call you a crazed, lowlife “dog” like Donald Trump called Omarosa Manigault. Or maybe a “bitch,” like Trump called the mothers of kneeling NFL players. Come to think of it, this might just be a Trump thing.

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Example:

“We’re taking people out of the country — you wouldn’t believe how bad these people are. These aren’t people. These are animals.” — Donald Trump

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Antifa

Pronounced “An-TEE-fuh”: An invisible terrorist organization made up of white people who cause violence and blame it on other white people.

Antifa is the biggest threat to white people since the government started letting Black people sit next to little white girls in social studies class. Antifa caused the riot at the Capitol. Antifa threatened Josh Hawley’s family by standing outside with candles. They travel on planes in first class.

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Just yesterday, my wife demanded that I to go to McDonald’s and get her a hot fudge sundae. From the look in her eyes, I knew she wasn’t playing. When I came back without it, she was enraged. Just as she opened her can of whoop-ass, I informed her that antifa had broken the McDonald’s ice cream machine and she calmed down.

Thanks, antifa.

“Proud Boys, stand back and stand by. But I’ll tell you what, I’ll tell you what, somebody’s got to do something about antifa and the left because this is not a right-wing problem.” — Donald Trump

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BLM

Pronounced “Bee Ell Emm”: An anti-cop hate group.

If there’s one thing that scares white people more than antifa and Black Lives Matter, it’s BLM. Whenever a white person mentions BLM, you best believe they are about to say some crazy shit they’d never say about Black Lives Matter.

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“BLM” is kinda like Black Lives Matter but not really. Black Lives Matter hypnotizes cops, windows and white people. BLM loots and forces them to do things to help the Black community like changing the profile pic on their Twitter account or their pancake boxes. BLM attacks cops and sets fires at protests. Black Lives Matter is annoying to white people but BLM might kill them.

So Kamala with [sic] be the Commencement speaker at the Annapolis Naval Academy, May 28th. Will any parents have the spine to stand up and walk out when this police-hating, BLM and Antifa- supporting harridan takes the stage? — Sebastian Gorka

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Critical Race Theory

Pronounced “Critt-ick-CULL Rays THEE-ree”: Something bad.

Although we explained it here, white people don’t really understand what Critical Race Theory is. All they know is that it’s a cult of indoctrination that teaches children to treat white people like white people treat Black people and they can’t have that.

“Let me be clear: There is no room in our classrooms for things like critical race theory. Teaching kids to hate their country and to hate each other is not worth one red cent of taxpayer money.” — Ron DeSantis

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Leftist

Pronounced “LEFF-tiss”: Like a Conservative, but not racist.

There is not much difference between a leftist and a conservative except that leftists also believe that white supremacy exists. Leftists don’t like big spending, so they want to defund the police. Leftists like small government, so they don’t want the government regulating women’s vaginas. Leftists like fiscal responsibility, so they want the rich to pay more taxes. Leftists believe in the First Amendment, so they don’t stop people from protesting. Leftists think Black people should vote, Muslims should be able to practice their religion and schools should teach kids true history.

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I am a leftist.

I want to be left alone.

“These radical leftists hate America.” — Ted Cruz

Inner City

Pronounced “GETT-toe”: Where Black people live.

This is a favorite of well-meaning white people. There are liberal white people who live in Manhattan fighting to keep “inner-city kids” out of their white schools. The inner city is essentially a majority-Black space, even if it is rural. Conversely, white people love to volunteer at after-school programs in the inner city. Do they know how much it costs to live in the inner city?

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Also, white people are the largest ethnic group in America’s three biggest cities (New York, Los Angeles and Chicago).

“We can live in a country where the inner cities of our nation become safer, and where people who want to succeed are given a helping hand.” — Bernie Sanders

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Liberal

Pronounced “LIBB-rull”: A person who believes in facts.

Also called “libtards,” or just “libs,” most liberals have crazy ideas. They believe in masks, math and manmade climate change. A Conservative can dismiss anyone by just calling them a liberal. That’s why the liberal media is working with liberal colleges to indoctrinate the liberal mob.

“The liberal media says voter fraud doesn’t happen. They’re lying.” — Donald Trump

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Marxist

Pronounced “MARKS-SISS”: A Leftist who wants equality.

Marxist is one of the longest-running white dog whistles. Everyone from Martin Luther King Jr. to Black Lives Matter to Colin Kaepernick has been called a Marxist. I’m sure Jesus would have been called one. Oh, wait. He was.

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Like Critical Race Theory, white people and Jason Whitlock can’t really explain what a Marxist is; they just know it’s bad. But they don’t have to. It’s a signal to other white people that essentially means: “Watch out. This nigger doesn’t just want to be free; he wants everybody to be free. Y’all know what to do.”

“Dr. King’s action-oriented Marxism about which he was cautioned by the leaders of this country, including the president at that time, is not compatible with the concepts of this country,” — Jesse Helms

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Not-a-real ___

Pronounced “not uh reel”: Not white.

White people get to decide things. And when they can’t quite dismiss a Black person on the basis of something real, they get to arbitrarily determine the person’s worth. For instance, Barack Obama was “not a real president” like Donald Trump. Beyoncé is “not a real artist” like Taylor Swift. Hip-hop is not a real form of music like rock. But the most popular category of “not a real” is the American kind. White people can move from Switzerland and be American by next Thursday but a person of Mexican heritage will never be a “real” American.

“If you call yourself a patriot and mask your kids, hurry up and get comfortable with the fact that you’re a communist appeaser, not a real patriot, Sorry.” — Some white lady

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Person of color

Pronounced “ALL-most uh nih-GERR”: ?

This one is used by white progressives more than conservatives. I really don’t know what this means. I thought it meant “everybody but white people” but are white Hispanics considered to be “people of color”? Some white Jewish people consider themselves to be non-white. Same with Italians. I suspect this is just a clever way to say “colored people.” If you know your color, can you just say it?

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I’m gonna start calling myself a “person of Black.”

Radical

Pronounced “RAD-ick-cull”: Someone who does things white people don’t like until after white people kill them.

While the Ku Klux Klan was an “amiable unfraternity,” members of Marcus Garvey’s Universal Negro Improvement Association were “negro radicals.” George Wallace referred to Martin Luther King Jr. and people who wanted equality as “civil rights radicals,” but the people who wanted segregation believed in “respecting the separateness of others.” Colin Kaepernick? Radical. Capitol insurrectionists? A “normally law-abiding group.”

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Jesus was a radical.

Pontius Pilate was a patriot.

“Implementing the 1619 project and critical race theory in our schools is another attempt by the radical Left to inject socialism into every aspect of our lives and indoctrinate the next generation of America’s youth.” — Mike Pompeo

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Race-Baiter

Pronounced “Rays BAY-terr”: A person who baits racists.

That was easy.

“I think the champion race baiter on either side is Michael Harriot, tied with Charles Blow.” — Another white lady

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Race Card

Pronounced “Rays Card”: What white people call facts.

If you screamed: “crackkker ass crackkker!” that would be racist. But if you said: “Black people are disproportionately shot by police,” you would be playing the race card. If a Black voter from a Black neighborhood went on Black Twitter and talked about Black movies, they’d be fine. But if they wondered why white voters always watched white movies, they would be playing the race card.

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Basically, calling out whiteness is playing the race card.

“I think they’re playing the race card, in my view...“I don’t think it is about race. I think it is about an individual who conducted himself in a manner that was almost guaranteed to provoke an officer trying to do his duty” — Dick Cheney on the DOJ’s Ferguson investigation

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Race-hustler

Pronounced “Rays HUSS-lerr”: A race-baiter who plays the race card.

What do race-hustlers win? I almost applied for a job as an entry-level race hustler once, because I thought I could learn how to trick white people into not being racist. Sadly, I didn’t get the job. Being a Republican is the ultimate race-hustle but poor, uneducated white people can’t see they’re being tricked.

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Jay-Z was wrong, though.

Apparently, you can knock the hustle.

“The sad truth is that, from the president on down, our leadership has no clue, no clue at all about how to solve problems within the black community. And many are frightened to even broach the issue. That’s because race hustlers and the grievance industry have intimidated the so-called conversation turning any valid criticism of African American culture into charges of racial bias.” — Bill O’Reilly

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Suspicious

Pronounced “911”: Any black person, to a white person.

Being “suspicious” is the first step to becoming a suspect. I have no idea of the difference between a suspicious person and a regular person I don’t know because white people are always acting suspiciously. They wear shorts in the dead of winter. They stuff artichokes with things and eat them. They jog-walk.

“Hey, we’ve had some break-ins in my neighborhood and there’s a real suspicious guy...This guy looks like he’s up to no good or he’s on drugs or something. It’s raining and he’s just walking around looking about.” — George Zimmerman

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Terrorist

Pronounced “TERR-riss”: Two or more Black or Brown protesters.

But not white supremacists. Also, not the police. And not Christians. And not Karens with 911 on speed-dial. Basically, white people can’t be terrorists.

American citizens are more dangerous than foreign terrorists? No show on this channel would ever put that on the air. And if anyone did, people would resign in protest because that is completely untrue and completely reckless.” — Tucker Carlson

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Underprivileged

Pronounced “Ewwwww”: A “person of color” who is under 18.

This is another white liberal word. “Underprivileged youth” are most often from the “inner city.” And it has nothing to do with their immigration status, wealth or where they live. A Black person can come from a wealthy two-parent home but still be underprivileged, according to white people who believe inequality stems from poverty.

“Lions players Matthew Stafford, Danny Amendola, Devon Kennard, Jarrod Davis and Ford Trucks had the ultimate Thanksgiving surprise for kids from Downtown Boxing Gym, an organization that provides free academic and athletic after school programming for underprivileged kids.” — NFL

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Violence

Pronounced “VILE-lens”: A harmful act committed by a “person of color.”

When a Black person punches someone, they’re committing an “act of violence.” That’s why there’s so much Black-on-Black violence in the “inner city.” That’s why we are responsible for “violent crimes.” Underfunding a school, however, is not an act of violence. Neither is mass incarceration. Or the war on drugs. Or not wearing a mask. Or not insuring people with their own money. Or electing a white nationalist as president.

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That’s just being white.

“I do not tolerate ANY extreme violence. Defending ALL Americans, even those who oppose and attack me, is what I will always do as your President! Governor Whitmer—open up your state, open up your schools, and open up your churches!” — Donald Trump

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Woke

Pronounced “wōk”: A word white people say.

Like the phrase “lit,” the word “woke” used to mean something. In the beginning, a “woke” person could see through the propaganda of capitalism, white supremacy and America.

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Then white people discovered it.

Now it doesn’t really mean anything. When a Republican says it, it is most often directed at the white liberals who care more about people than Conservatives do. When a white liberal says it, it means they have done the bare minimum to care about people who are not like them. They will change the syrup bottle and change their Twitter handle to “Black Lives Matter,” but not much more.

“I’ve been called so many things in my life, I am so used to being called names, but a racist is one I will not take...It’s not fair, because it isn’t about being a racist. It’s about maybe about not knowing what is correct and woke for your language that day, cause it changes from day to day” — Sharon Osbourne.

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If you are ever slandered with these words, instead of getting angry, you should be proud because it means you won.

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Stay woke.

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.

DISCUSSION

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djl3571

Worst thing you can call a white person is a racist. You’ve never SEEN bigots get angrier!